Another Fuller House Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss. But first, this word from the fine people at American Girl.
We’re in the home stretch here, as Season 1 of Fuller House reaches its emotional, dramatic, and no doubt corpse-stacked climax. We have lies, intrigue, sexual tomfoolery and a memory-encrusted sofa.
No time to waste; are you ready for the Episode 8/9 synopsis?
Season 1, Episode 8: ‘Secrets, Lies And Firetrucks.‘
Hold tight; we’re going fast through this one.
Kimmy and Fernando are attempting a relationship again. Things are hot and spicy, but that never was the issue with their marriage, from what I can tell. One time, Fernando escaped from a hotel rooftop in Barcelona wearing nothing but a matador’s cap on his weiner. That’s what the man said.
Jackson encourages Max to start lying. His transition to unstoppable sociopath is nearly complete.
Ramona is a teenager now, and no longer wants to do ‘kid’ activities with her dad:
Ramona – “So no more zoo, no more American Girl store, no more Build-A-Bear-“
Fernando – “Whoa! I can live without the zoo and the bears. But the American Girl store? They’re not just dolls. They’re heroes with emotional stories!“
Danny shows up because he’s in town for the Wake Up San Francisco reunion show. Didn’t he just leave?
Kimmy – “Isn’t it kinda sad when they drag out the old cast for some lame reunion show?“
Danny – “Not when the show is adored by millions and the stars are beloved cultural icons.”
Cosmo ruins the beloved couch, and it needs to be re-upholstered, much to the sadness of Danny. “This couch is a classic antique! All of our family memories are encrusted into it!“
Max and his friends are trying to one-up each other by talking about how cool and alive their dad’s are. One of the kids says that his dad taught their dog to open the fridge and bring him a beer. Max tells him that his dad sounds like an alcoholic. He’s still a bit sensitive. He uses his newfound power of lying to say that he has the stroke to have a fire truck show up at this kid’s birthday party.
HE’S A LIAR!!!! YEAAHHHHHHHHHH HE’S A LIAR!!!!!
DJ gets advice from Danny about dating again following the death of a spouse. She wants to get more serious with Matt. Like, Chinese Food At The Office After A Long Night Of Inventory-Serious.
At the fire station, Chief Mulrooney won’t let Max ride on the truck, because Danny bumped his song from Wake Up San Francisco 25 years ago. Seems like as good of a reason as any.
DJ and Matt smooch it up at the vet clinic.
Fernando’s obsession with American Girl made me laugh. He brought it up again later in the episode.
So anyway, they have to re-upholster the couch, but they do it the same exact way and make Danny a blazer out of the old, memory-encrusted fabric. It even has change and loose tic-tacs in the pockets. Disgusting.
Danny pulls strings to get Max his fire truck ride. Chief Mulrooney gets to sing Danny Boy on Wake Up San Francisco.
Season 1, Episode 9: ‘War Of The Roses.‘
Becky is visiting now, following the Wake Up San Francisco reunion show, and she’s obsessed with baby Tommy. As we found out in Episode 1, her kids are sort of jackasses and she wants another infant in the house.
1000 roses show up at the house, and klepto-hoarder Cosmo took the card, so we don’t know who they’re from. Everyone’s a suspect:
Kimmy – “They must be from Fernando. He’s trying so hard to put our marriage back together. Last week he even got a tattoo of me on his left butt cheek.”
Steph – “These roses are obviously for me. I just have to figure out who they’re from. It could be Darren from the coffee shop, Val from Club Euphoria, or this baseball player I’m seeing.”
Kimmy – “Oh, please. Do any of them have your face on their butt?“
Steph – “That’s none of your business.”
Becky calls Steve (for DJ) to see if he was the one who sent the flowers. He immediately gets weird and possessive. More on him later.
Jackson is still struggling to start a relationship with Lola, but he may be in the Friend Zone, so he prepares a lavish, grandiose statement: A ‘Check Yes Or No’ letter. Do kids still do that?
Ramona – “Once you’re in the friend zone, you can never get out. It’s like Alcatraz. Or IKEA.“
DJ mistakenly thinks Matt sent the roses following their one kiss, so she gets freaked out, fakes a dental emergency and cancels her date. Later on, we find out that Matt went to all 12 ‘night dentists’ in the Bay Area looking for DJ, and this is considered charming to everyone within earshot. Damn, it sure must be nice to be a good-looking man. The thought of him sending all the flowers freaked DJ out, but not the fact that he went to 12 locations checking up on her.
Kimmy, of course, thinks Fernando sent the roses, which he doesn’t admit to NOT sending. Steph theorizes that it was her ‘first husband’ Harry Takayama, which triggers the classic backyard wedding scene (at least to me) from Season 2.
Becky is dying for any sort of action, here. She briefly thinks that Steph and Harry had sex at the age of 7. After the Baby Fashion Show, however, I’m more concerned with her overall sanity. I suppose a longtime morning show host probably would start acting like this after a while.
DJ – “Aunt Becky, do you have a minute?”
Becky – “Hold that thought. The Baby Fashion Show is about to begin! I call it, “A Day In The Life Of Tommy Fuller. We start our day in playdate casual. Then this little Viking is off to the playground to conquer new sandboxes. What’s that? The call of the sea? It’s a trip to the marina to see the tall ships. We end our day with a little culture and an evening at the opera. And then it’s time for a night cap, and off to bed.”
I liked this scene because Becky acted like a crazy person.
Misunderstandings abound with this rose situation. But Becky’s gonna get to the bottom of it. Turns out, it was Jesse. Case closed. He sent a shit-ton of flowers to a house that was not his own, for his wife who was going to be there for two days at the most. That’s…great, Uncle Jesse.
Harry Takayama is his CPA, though, so he can probably get a write-off.
– If you think Full House has done an episode like ‘War Of The Roses’ before, you would be right; the Season 4 episode ‘Secret Admirer.’ However, that episode was in itself a play on the 1985 film of the same name, which starred Lori Loughlin.
– Going back to the Lucha Kaboom episode, IMDB states that ‘Despite doubles having been hired, Candace Cameron-Bure insisted on performing her own stunts and dance sequences.’ I find this extremely difficult to believe, but like I said Monday, it sure didn’t look like she had a stuntman in the ring, with would be extremely impressive if true.
– Like I said earlier, ‘War Of The Roses’ references Full House episode 2.10 with Stephanie’s backyard wedding to Harry.
– At the end of the episode, DJ, Steph and Kimmy are drinking wine, and we can read on the label the word ‘Bure.’ The Bure wine is from is a real winery owned in part by Candace Cameron-Bure and her husband Valeri.
– Steph – “One time on the couch, me and David Cantone-“
Danny – “Do not finish this story. This is a good, decent couch. Suitable for the whole family.“
Steph – “What? We just watched Gremlins 2. Buck naked. I’m kidding.“
Danny – “I never liked that kid. He never used a coaster.“
That’s about the Bob Saget-iest joke I’ve ever heard on this show.
– Steph – “What’s with the goofy grins? You didn’t find my brownies, did you?“
Steph is on drugs. Confirmed.
– Steph – “Come on, Dad. You’re gonna love the new couch.”
Danny – “I’ll sit on it, but don’t ask me to love it.“
Never mind. That was the Bob Saget-iest joke.
Jackson – “J-Money say what?!”
I’m going to start saying that at least once a day around the house, even though my name doesn’t start with a J.
Danny – “Nobody’s going to bed till I get my money back. These guys are cleaning me out. But that ends now. Tens and queens. Full House.”
Jackson – “Kings and aces. Fuller House.“
Oh, you assholes.
There were funny moments in these two episodes for sure, but the foot fungus joke, the ‘elephant in the room’ gag, “everything’s coming up Fernando…”, Just a lot of recycled, silly stuff in Episode 9. But if you’re already in this far, you might as well see it through with me. I got your back, homie.
Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your week. Links to previous reviews are below.