CDP Top 30 Of All-Time (’08-’10) – #1.


#1 – ‘Lost Friday – Season 6.’

(Originally published 2/5-5/28/10.)

(Note: For the five years I wrote it, Lost Friday made the CDP significantly more popular than any of my personal essays, and I’ve begrudgingly accepted that. It was a lot of fun, and I hope you enjoyed it.)


The final Lost Friday is upon us.

There are two big things I want to mention before I dig into the final recap. First and foremost, I want to sincerely thank everyone who has followed along with Lost Friday for the last five years. Since 2004, the CDP has earned a reputation for personal essays, pop culture nostalgia and Mix-Tape trades, and amongst all of that, we still had time to recap about 100 episodes of my favorite television show, and the fact that you all came along for the ride has been a lot of fun.

Lost Friday was a labor of love, but it was also a lot of work. I’d estimate that I’ve lost about 1000 hours of much-needed sleep since my first recap, and the cost of my massive Photobucket account runs me about $80 a year. Hundreds of Photoshopped and uploaded images. Thousands of jokes. Millions of words. Some days were harder than others, but I’ve sincerely enjoyed every minute of it. At the end of every season, I tried to quit, only to receive dozens of e-mails and comments telling me to come back for one more year. That’s a really nice thing to do for a guy, and I’ve always appreciated every nice thing said about Lost Friday. Nothing makes me happier than when someone tells me how funny they thought something I wrote was; the fact that I got to be obsessive over Lost, mercilessly mock it and get people laughing to boot? Bliss.

For those of you who visit the CDP solely for Lost Friday, let me remind you that Lost Friday only constituted less than 10% of what the CDP has to offer. I’m a published author currently working on Book #2, and I strongly encourage you to dig around and stay awhile. Subsequently, for those of you who are CDP fans that never cared for Lost, then I can imagine this is a good day for you. You’ll once again have me all to yourself starting in June.

So once again, thank you. I hope you enjoyed Lost Friday.

The second thing I wanted to mention was the finale of Lost itself. You would think that for an Atheist that focuses on the minutiae of…well…everything, the finale would have been a supreme letdown for me. What about the significance of the Numbers? What about Walt? Why did Dharma keep getting food drops in 2004?

However, once I realized the main theme of the show (characters, redemption and faith), the superficial stuff just didn’t matter anymore. Had I gotten a scientific conclusion over a spiritual one, I doubt I would have been half as fulfilled, even if I got twice the answers. I loved the final act of the show, I loved the final act on the Island, and I thought it was as perfect a finale as we could have asked for. We’ve seen some spectacular episodes, and we’ve seen some trash (not much, but some), and I feel that ‘The End’ is arguably as good as the series ever was.

Jack Shephard was never my favorite character; not even in my Top 5, quite frankly. However, this show was centered around him, and thus the finale was centered around him, and boy did they deliver. By the end of the series, Matthew Fox was holding his own with some of the best actors and actresses on television, and in the final scenes of ‘The End,’ it was impossible to not be proud of the guy for what he’d done. You want to talk about redemption.

So yes, I liked the finale. Loved it, even. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

Enough grandstanding and pansy talk, let’s start recapping the Series Finale with the final Thick & Meatyever!


Flash-Sideways Timeline: Outside The Church

While Kate waits in Hurley’s Camaro, Desmond claims ownership for the body of Christian Shephard, as UPS will give up even corpses to the first person possessing hands with which to sign off. When Kate asks Desmond why he sprung her out of jail in order to attend a concert, he replies that ‘nobody can tell you why you’re here,’ and what he really wants is ‘to leave.’

This sounds very emotional and deep in hindsight, until you realize that he was merely referring to the fact that he wanted to eat lunch at the Olive Garden two towns over. Say what you want, those breadsticks are mind-blowing.

At The Flightline Motel

Hurley arrives at the Flightline with Sayid, on a mission to get an absurdly-inebriated Charlie to perform at the concert. Hurley tries to sway Charlie by telling him that ‘it’s the most important thing he’ll ever do,’ and considering that he never got to sleep with Claire, he’s essentially correct. When Charlie gets distracted by a cloud that looks like a bottle of Jameson, Hurley shoots him with a tranquilizer gun and tosses him into the back of his Hummer.

This is the exact same way my wife got me to go to Dubuque with her last Spring.

At The Benefit Concert

Hurley and Sayid arrive at the concert. Miles, who has also just arrived, spots Sayid and calls Sawyer to tell him he’s escaped from jail. Miles asks him to check on Sun at the hospital, to see that she’s okay.

It is at this time that I would like to remind everyone that Yunjin Kim is following me on Twitter, thus completing Phase 1 of the 28-Phase process that culminates on our wedding day. Not many people realize that the name ‘Ji Yeon’ is Korean for ‘Son of Pale Norweigan.’ Now you know.

At St. Sebastian Hospital

Juliet shows up to give Sun an ultrasound, which triggers Sun’s ‘Realization Moment,’ flashing back to when Juliet gave Sun an ultrasound on the Island. As Jin and Sun always seemed to function in tandem, this also works as Jin’s Realization Moment as well. Never underestimate the dimension-obliterating power of a radioactive wand, Astroglide and a taut, Korean tummy.

They also start speaking English as well, because they remember now. Apparently, they use Rosetta Stone software in the Afterlife.

Over in a significantly less sexy hospital room, Jack is prepping Locke for his surgery. Jack jokingly tells Locke that there’s a chance he could kill him, thus making 10 million Easter Egg nerds simultaneously moisten themselves with glee.

Jack and Juliet pass in the hallway, where it’s finally revealed that they were once married. This goes down as the second worst-kept secret in Lost history, just behind ‘Does Island Claire smell like pennies and black olives?’

(Answer: Yes.)

Outside A Bar

Sayid and Hurley observe a fistfight between Boone and an unnamed asshole who pushed Shannon to the ground. Sayid rushed to her aid, giving them both their Realization Moment, via tongue-to-tongue contact.

Nadia who? Never mind the years of International travel, longing and occasional torture; Sayid’s heart lies with the woman he had a relationship with for 15 days back in 2004.

At The Benefit Concert

Juliet is paged by the hospital, David enters with Claire, Charlotte wakes up a drunken Charlie, and Kate recognizes Claire from several days earlier. On stage, Drive Shaft will be accompanying Mr. Daniel Widmore and his Cavalcade of Stuttering, Violently-Frustrating Whimsy.

Charlie looks so sexy on stage that Claire goes into labor. Meanwhile, Eloise pleads with Desmond not to get everyone to ‘move on,’ which prompts Desmond to tell her that he won’t be taking Daniel. Not with him, at least. I enjoyed this conversation, as it reminds us that, just because everyone that we knew wasn’t in the final scene, that there aren’t other churches, other groups and other Realization Moments. Don’t get hung up on the small stuff, or I’ll put my thumb through your neck.

As Kate helps Claire with her labor backstage, they both have their respective Realization Moments. Later, Charlie shows up and has one as well, no doubt triggered by Aaron’s mystical placental goo. Desmond saunters in, fist-pumps on a job well done, and pours himself a tall glass of whole milk.

Back At St. Sebastian Hospital

Locke is brought out of surgery, where he’s coming around and recovering at an Afterlife pace. The wiggling of his toes gives him his Realization Moment, followed by the pissing of his hospital gown. Jack resists anything remotely resembling a Flashback, saying that he needs to leave to see his son. Locke correctly (but dickily) reminds him that he doesn’t have a son.

Back in Room Number Gorgeous, Sawyer catches up with Jin and Sun. Sawyer is intent on arresting Sayid, but they’re having none of it after seeing the light. Even in Purgatory, you can still get gutshot and potentially miscarry a newborn. Heaven sounds extremely terrifying.

At the candy machine, Sawyer’s struggling to get an Apollo bar. Juliet shows up and tells him that if he unplugs the machine and plugs it back in again, the candy will drop down, adding that ‘it’s technically legal.’ Once again, continuity nerds simultaneously drop clumps of ‘Cool Ranch’ Doritos down their shirt with excitement. As they both reach for the candy bar, Sawyer and Juliet have their respective Realization Moments, before they come back around and continue fighting over sole possession of said candy.

Back At The Benefit Concert

Jack shows up and runs into Kate. Kate attempts to get him to remember the past, but he continues to resist. Kate then clubs the dumb oaf with a canoe paddle, as this is the only way for this lunkhead to understand anything.

Back At The Church

Locke shows up and meets Ben. Ben apologizes for what he did to him, adding that he was ‘selfish, jealous, and wanted everything that (Locke) had.’ Locke forgives him, but Ben still has some things to work out before he decides to enter the church. For Ben, a guy that seemingly had everything he could have ever dreamed of on the Island, to want the life of a paralyzed loner working a temp job at a box factory, he should have probably aimed a squinch higher.

Hurley also runs into Ben. Hurley reminds Ben that he was a ‘great Number Two,’ to which Ben replies that Hurley was a ‘great Number One.’ This leads into my theory that their Island code names for each other were ‘Poop’ and ‘Pee.’

Jack and Kate arrive. Kate tells him that she brought him here ‘because this is where you were going to have your father’s funeral.’ She says that ‘they’ will be waiting for him to come in, once he’s ready ‘to leave.’ Kate then inexplicably changes outfits, in what is either a Purgatory thing, or the single most glaring continuity error in Lost history. Perhaps Kate just didn’t want to enter Heaven wearing such a slutty dress.

Jack enters the back of the church, finding the coffin of Christian. When he touches it, he has his Realization Moment, culminating with his father entering the room. After a brief exchange, Jack realizes that he himself has died, and he embraces with his father, both absolutely reeking with embalming fluid.

When Jack (and the viewing audience) expresses confusion, Christian explains that Jack’s life and the people in the church are very real, yet they are all now dead. ‘Some died before you, some after you,’ Christian explains. He further elaborates that the church and this world was a place they all made together to find each other, because the most important part of Jack’s life was the time spent with these people. It was created so they could all ‘find each other, remember and move on.’

Meanwhile, out in the church, Miles realizes that he’s an Atheist and immediately poofs out of existence. Bad time for an existential breakdown, dude.

Jack enters the heart of the church where he is greeted by many of his old friends from the Island (Kate, Hurley, Libby, Sawyer, Juliet, Desmond, Penny, Sun, Jin, Charlie, Claire, Aaron, Sayid, Boone, Shannon, Locke, Rose and Bernard). They all share embraces and enjoy their reunion, which is all a little more than my black little heart can handle (the look of satisfaction on Locke’s face when he hugs Jack just might be my favorite moment of the entire series).

After awhile, they all sit down in the pews as Christian walks out the back of the church, bathing everyone in attendance in a glowing, white light. Jack and Kate exchange a smile, as the room is engulfed.

Excuse me, I think I have something in my eye. Yup, it was a cat whisker. I hate those things.

Original Timeline: At The River

Sawyer heads off to get Desmond out of the well before Locke can, while Jack, Kate and Hurley head to the Source (ie: Butthole) of the Island.

At The Well

Desmond has already been saved from the well before Locke or Sawyer can get there. Locke is initially going to kill everyone, but will settle for just Jack now that he’s the new Jacob.

He’s still sinking this bitch, though. Make no mistake of that.

At Rose And Bernard’s Camp

Turns out that Rose and Bernard saved Desmond from the well, but he best be moving on soon, as they like to function as an isolationist society. Locke shows up and snatches Desmond away.

Vincent urinates on Rose’s leg. Bernard urinates on Vincent.

In The Outrigger

Miles and Richard (who’s now mortal), stumble across Frank in the water. Initially wanting to blow up the Ajira plane, Frank puts an end to that nonsense, reminding him that he’s a pilot and will get them off of the Island. Realizing just how cuckoo-bananas insane their original idea was, they decide to trust Lapidus instead.

On The Way To The Source

Locke’s group and Jack’s group meet. There’s a ton of chest-bumping and shit talk about murder, but it’s pretty obvious that nobody has a plan. It’s quite adorable, actually.

At The Source

Only Jack, Locke and Desmond approach the Source. Jack and Locke tie a rope around Desmond and lower him in. Desmond reaches the bottom and sees the ‘cork’ that’s more or less keeping all evil from breaking loose. As he’s immune to electromagnetic energy, Desmond hops into the pit and yanks the cork out, unleashing what seems to be the brewings of Hell upon the Island.

So this explains Sex In The City 2.

Jack chases Locke out of the cave in a fit of fury, punching him in the mouth and causing him to bleed. This is when they both realize that by pulling out the cork, both Jack and the Man In Black are mortal men. They tussle for a bit, but Locke nails Jack with a rock and scampers off.

When I was a little kid, I heaved a rock at a kid named BJ. I thought I had killed him; I was really scared and sad for awhile. Turns out he was okay, and we became friends in high school.

At Hydra Island Beach

Miles, via walkie-talkie, tells everyone to get their asses in gear before the plane takes off. Claire’s not coming with, because she’s nuttier than a box of Clusters.

At The Cliffs

Locke has a boat waiting for him. Jack shows up just in time for a kick-ass final showdown. Locke stabs Jack in the abdomen and pierces his neck, but before he can finish the job, Kate shows up and shoots the Man In Black. Jack kicks him over the cliff, killing him and ending what may be the worst and most ill-fated Island mutiny attempt ever.

Sawyer and Kate rush off to catch up with the plane, but not before sharing a tearful goodbye with Jack. Ben and Hurley stick around to help Jack finish what he started.

At The Ajira Landing Strip

Frank is having trouble with the hydraulics on the plane, so he sends Richard back to look at it. Yeah, if I have a mechanical failure with my airplane, I want the guy from the 16th Century to fix it for me.

Kate and Sawyer are catching up with the plane, when they run into Claire. Kate offers to help her raise Aaron, which changes her mind. Everyone gets on board as they begin their takeoff.

Frank Lapidus is the greatest pilot in the history of aviation. Or perhaps the plane exploded into pieces two seconds after the episode ended; who really knows?

At The Source

Jack’s going back into the Source to clog up the butthole and save the Island (may I suggest sharp cheddar cheese?). He knows he’s not going to survive, and turns over Island ownership to a tearful Hurley. Desmond wants to help, but Jack says that he’s done enough, and he should go back home to his wife and son.

Jack finds the plug and drops it into the Source (hey BP, you want that oil leak taken care of?). The light begins to return, as Hurley and Ben pull an exhausted Desmond back to the surface. Below, Jack sobs with relief as he is engulfed in the light. It’s warm and smells like cinnamon.

Hurley asks Ben if he could help him protect the Island, which Ben graciously accepts. They start by coming up with a way that Desmond can leave the Island, and also by adding a miniature golf course to the Barracks.

At The Bamboo Grove

Jack wakes up in a creek outside of the Source. Aware of his eventual demise, he finds his way back to the bamboo grove, to the same spot where he awoke after the crash of Flight 815. He hears a dog barking and turns to see Vincent running towards him. Jack smiles as Vincent lies down next to him, so he doesn’t ‘die alone.’

Looking towards the sky, he sees the Ajira plane fly over him, knowing that he has saved his friends as well as the Island. His eyes close.


Now, don’t you go getting sad on me; we’re not done yet. Let’s Break It Down!


1 – The last line of the series is “We’ve been waiting for you,” spoken by John Locke after Jack enters the church. This is in stark contrast to what I thought was going to be the final line of the series, “We’re all out of dip.”


2 – Desmond, Penny and Juliet are the only non-815 survivors in the church, which makes perfect sense, unless you’re a dolt who continues to argue the logic of the final scene.

3 – From Lostpedia: “Boone’s observation that he had difficulty getting Shannon back from Sydney is likely an in-joke at the difficulty in scheduling Maggie Grace to return for the final season, having had to already write her out of ‘LA X.'” That’s funny stuff, right there.

4 – Kate is the only original cast member to land on the Island, leave, return and leave again.

By comparison, Locke is the only original cast member to land on the Island, re-learn to walk, get teleported off of the Island, die, get shipped back to the Island, get reincarnated by evil incarnate, only to be killed once more. What are the odds?

5 – Sawyer and Claire are the only characters to arrive on the Island for the first time in the first episode, and leave the Island for the first time in the last episode. Really? I’ll be damned!

6 – ‘The End’ was the longest episode in Lost history, clocking in at a massive 105:45 minutes. So, to anyone complaining, you got 106 minutes of Lost, so cork your bitchhole.

7 – ABC estimates that nearly 21 million people watched ‘The End,’ while states that ‘The End’ was the most pirated television episode in history based on statistics. Congruently, According To Jim is statistically the least-pirated show in history.

8 – From Lostpedia: “The scene where Locke stabs Jack involved swapping out a real knife for a collapsible one. During one take, the swap was not made properly and Matthew Fox was stabbed by the real knife, which was stopped by a Kevlar pad that Fox wore under his shirt. Matthew Fox tried out various protection pads for that scene, and it just so happened that when the accident happened he was wearing the Kevlar pad, the others of which were not stab proof. It was even suggested that he not bother using a pad at all before the incident happened.”

That would have been bad to say the least. “Um, sorry everyone. We can’t finish the series because we…um…stabbed our main character to death on set.”

9 – The penultimate scene with Jack and Christian the back room of the Church was withheld from shooting scripts. When the scene was filmed, the set operated with a high level of security and was off-limits to everyone with the exception of Matthew Fox, John Terry, and a few select members of crew. Even other cast members were not allowed near the set when the scene was taking place.

Frank Lapidus was there, though, because that sonofabitch can do whatever he wants.

10 – Shannon (Maggie Grace) makes her first appearance since ‘Expose’,’ an absence of 59 episodes in a row. Not surprisingly, Lost hasn’t aired a terrible episode since then. I’m not a Shannon fan.

Well folks, I hate to tell you this, but we’re all done here. Once again, thank you for reading Lost Friday over the years; please stick around and allow me to entertain you with all of the other stuff I do here on the CDP. Sound off in the comments section, enjoy your weekend and stay nostalgic by checking out links to nearly every Lost Friday ever written (including some episodes of the Pop Crunch show, penned by yours truly).

Thank you very much.

Hey…waaaaait a minute, here. Where are the captions? I mean, this is the last Lost Friday ever, and there’s not even one photo caption to speak of? Seriously?


(“Was it good for you, Vincent?”)

There we go. Now we can leave happy.

Season 6 – Episode 1/2.

Season 6 – Episode 3.

Season 6 – Episode 4.

Season 6 – Episode 5.

Season 6 – Episode 6.

Season 6 – Episode 7.

Season 6 – Episode 8.

Season 6 – Episode 9.

Season 6 – Episode 10.

Season 6 – Episode 11.

Season 6 – Episode 12.

Season 6 – Episode 13.

Season 6 – Episode 14.

Season 6 – Episode 15.

Season 6 – Episode 16.

One thought on “CDP Top 30 Of All-Time (’08-’10) – #1.

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