#30 – “I Can See Your Butthole.”
(Originally Published July 13, 2007.)
Ladies and gentlemen, today I present to you a gift. A gift from me to you, free of charge and with no expectation of reciprocation.
Today, I will give you a new saying that you will grow to love and incorporate into your lexicon and circle of friends for years to come. A saying that, once it has become common fare on TV shows and film, you can always be reminded of where it all started.
It’s a big day; I’m glad you’re here.
We’re no strangers to people who clearly don’t listen to themselves talking. Day in and day out, we have to listen to these people ramble incessantly about things that they really have no expert opinion on. For our entire lives, we’ve had to politely nod and smile along with this drivel, pretending that what they were yapping about was being processed and agreed with by us. If only there was a way to get them to stop and think about how much of a douche they were…
The next time a friend starts talking directly out of their ass, let them know that you know. Let them know that you’re tired of their idiocy, and you’re tired of pretending that you care.
Tell ’em you can see their butthole.
Steve – “Why are you a vegetarian? Everyone knows that animals can’t feel pain.”
Bill – “Dude, I can see your butthole.”
See? It’s easy and fun! Here’s another quick example:
Steve – “Tiger Woods is an okay golfer, but his career will burn out fast.”
Bill – “What?“
Steve – “I just mean that he’s got maybe 1-2 more good years left, tops.”
Bill – “Steve, I can see your butthole.”
Are you starting to see proper usage? But hey, just like any good saying, you can get creative with it and make it your own!
Steve – “So like I was saying, I think that President Bush should be on Mount Rushmore, because…“
Bill – “Hey, what’s that down there?“
Steve – “What’s what down where?“
Bill – “Oh, it’s your butthole. I can see it.“
Steve – “Burned again! Blast your impeccable timing and wit!“
Once you get good with it, you can start to really craft it into something special, but it’s best to start at the beginning and throw it around your friends for good practice. I’ve been doing it for a few months now, and people are starting to say it when I’m not even around. It’s going viral, and I think it can go nationwide by this time next year.
So, the next time that someone starts saying something stupid, don’t try to see their side of things; see their butthole!
It has begun. Sound off in the comments section and have a great day.