Season 4 – Episode 12: “There’s No Place Like Home (Part 1).“
Another Lost Monday is upon us, we have much to discuss.
Season 4 has been like no other in the history of Lost. Strike-shortened, they were forced to cram 16 episodes of material in 13 hours, and they delivered in a commendable way, setting a pace that we had never seen in their typically plodding and deliberate storyline. So it seems fitting that it’s hard to believe that we only have one more episode left until Season 4 is officially over and done with, leaving us to wait until January 2009 for the Greatest Drama in Television History to pick up where they left off.
This week, we had the first act to a 3-act season finale, which delivered in a big way. We saw the return of the Oceanic 6 to the mainland, we saw a few more post-rescue flash-forwards, Hurley ate some cake and Aaron was played by three different babies and a plastic doll. It was significantly more rad than this description can properly warrant.
So let’s do this. It’s time for The Thick And Meaty!
AT THE BEACH WHERE THE BEACH LIVES.
Jack and Kate head out to find the rescue helicopter. Daniel realizes that the Orchid will make time and space all wonky, and tells Charlotte that they need to leave the show immediately before it starts to get too silly for its own good.
IN THE JUNGLE WHERE THE JUNGLE LIVES.
Kate and Jack run into Miles, Sawyer and Aaron. They inform Jack and Kate that Claire ran off into the jungle, and she was just too annoying for them to muster up the productivity to chase after her.
Kate, Aaron and Miles head back to the beach, while Jack and Sawyer head in search of the chopper. When they find Frank, he informs them that Keamy is an evil bastard, and they need to make sure Hurley is as far away from him as possible when he reaches the Orchid.
Kate and Sayid head back out in search of the castaways, when they are suddenly surrounded by Richard Guyliner and his Merry Group of Hostiles.
(“Hurry! Captain just baked cookies, and there’s only five left! They’re chewy and delicious!”)
BACK AT THE BEACH WHERE THE BEACH CONTINUES TO LIVE.
Daniel, Sun, Jin, Aaron and a few random extras get on the zodiac raft towards the freighter. The extras are one of my least favorite parts of the show. It should really all be speaking parts at this point.
ON THE FREIGHTER WHERE MICHAEL CONTINUES TO SULK.
The freighter is rigged with explosives. Jin wants his Rolex watch back from Michael.
ON THE WAY TO ORCHID TOWNE, USA.
Ben makes mirror signals to an unseen dude as they head towards the Orchid. Once there, he surrenders to Keamy and his men, while Locke infiltrates the Orchid Station. Hurley hangs back and eats 15 year old Dharma Saltines.
(Man, I’m so tired of people using Jesus as a weapon.)
FLASH-FORWARD – OCEANIC 6: SPONSORED BY OCEANIC.
The Oceanic 6 are dropped at a base in Hawaii for the press conference. They all stick with the false story, which has yet to be determined as to why. This is kind of big deal, as they got rescued, and it was an insanely cool moment for the show. The reporters make fun of Hurley’s weight, hereby making it uncool for me to do so anymore.
FLASH-FORWARD – SAYID THE INSUFFERABLE IRAQI.
Sayid meets up with Nadia. They share a hug, only to instantly get married and have Nadia be murdered by ruthless henchmen.
FLASH-FORWARD – SUN THE SEXY STOCKHOLDER.
Sun calls out her dad for never liking Jin, uses her fat Oceanic settlement to buy a large amount of stock in the company, and tells him to suck it. Paik’s eye gets all twitchy.
(“Muffin pickle lumberjack pants.”)
FLASH-FORWARD – HURLEY THE BOUNTIFUL BILLIONAIRE.
A party is thrown for Hurley, but he has a freak-out and runs down the street when The Numbers rear their ugly head in the car that his dad had restored for him. Damn you, Cheech!
FLASH-FORWARD – JACK THE PILL-POPPIN’ PHYSICIAN.
Jack makes a speech at his dad’s wake, only to run into Christian’s shadow wife, who informs him that Claire is his half-sister, and Aaron is his nephew. He takes this a little hard.
FLASH-FORWARD – AARON THE BABY.
Poops self and cries for the duration. I’ll never forgive the Lost crew for letting this kid be part of the Oceanic 6.
That’s a lot to cover. Better Break It Down!
4 – At Hurley’s surprise party, Sayid is sporting a wedding ring, implying that he is already married to Nadia at this point. They did not screw around, it would appear.
Furthermore, I like how often member of the Oceanic 6 appear in the other’s flash-forwards. The idea that Sayid flew halfway around the world to hang out with Hurley for a few hours is hilarious to me. I can’t believe that any of them ever fly at all.
8 – Ben’s Morse Code message to whomever was up in the mountains was ‘seize.’ Expect to see Keamy and his men get taken out, Hostile-style.
15 – Taken From Lostpedia: “Hurley’s birthday party scene contained the following Easter eggs: 4 palm trees on the lanai, 8 helium balloons tied by the pool, 15 presents on the lanai table, 16 party hats worn by background individuals, 23 & 42 were the numbers on the jerseys worn on the 2 boys crossing over the pool right after the DJ was shown.”
This is precisely why I love Hurley-centric stories. The producers pepper his episodes with crap like this.
(“Your dad was a man-whore and you’ve abandoned your sister. Nice to meet you.”)
16 – Claire’s mom was played by a new actress this time around; different from her character’s only other appearance in ‘Par Avion.’ In her first appearance, she did not have a speaking part.
If you remember, she was in a coma for many years after a car accident, and was actually still in the coma when Claire boarded Oceanic 815. Same character, different actress, fine with me.
23 – I enjoyed the multiple convergences at the end of this episode. Hell, they even used music that they typically don’t use during an episode of Lost. Seeing how the Oceanic 6 will eventually come together and become the only ones to be rescued is getting neater by the week. I’ve always been a fan of literary devices where you know what’s going to happen, but have no idea how the characters are going to get to that particular point. Typically, a storyline that dense cannot be done within the breakneck confines of a television show. Just another reason why Lost is better than you.
(“I’ll miss you, you terrifying, residually haunting bastard.”)
42 – Sun tells her dad that there are two people responsible for Jin’s death, and he is one of them. Who is the other person? I’m assuming we’ll find out next week.
You know, it was awesome to see the Oceanic 6 off of the island, safe and sound (regardless of what we know is about to happen to them, and despite the fact that they’re lying to the world for some yet-unexplained reason), but I couldn’t help but think that they should have lived their post-island lives a little differently. It would have certainly saved some unnecessary stress in the future.
(“The survivors crashed here, on Make Believe Island.”)
Here now, 5 Awesome Things that the Oceanic 6 (minus stupid, alien-esque Aaron, who I will never recognize as a Flight 815 survivor) should have done upon reaching the mainland and getting that sweet Oceanic hush money.
(“Our story is airtight. Just say that we hid out in a theater that was showing Speed Racer.”)
What He Did – Went back to the medical practice. Was driven insane with guilt and remorse; now pops pills, drinks booze and has more facial hair than Jim Morrison in Paris.
What He Should Have Done – Retired, purchased Red Sox season tickets and had sex with Kate until the end of time.
(For whatever reason, Kate enjoyed puking in Jack’s water bottle.)
What She Did – Raised Aaron as her own. Was acquitted of murder and now seemingly functions as a housewife.
What She Should Have Done – Actually, this has turned out pretty good for her. Too bad she’ll never not be a scheming, dishonest whore that subconsciously shatters her every attempt at personal happiness. Kind of shot herself in the foot, there.
(“So…do you like baseball, or….?”)
What He Did – Driven by rage, now works for Ben Linus as a personal hitman, killing people that probably have little to nothing to do with the death if his wife, Nadia.
What He Should Have Done – Became a local pro at the Winchester Hills Golf Club in Winchester, Wisconsin. It’s right next to my grandma’s house.
(Maybe Hurley is the numbers. Anyone ever think of that?)
What He Did – Went batshit crazy.
What He Should Have Done – Took the medicine.
(“I was saved by the brilliant American humorist and author, Ryan J. Zeinert.”)
What She Did – Attempted to get back at her father by purchasing a sizeable amount of stock in the company. Got even more pregnant-er.
What She Should Have Done – Moved in with nationally-known and acclaimed Wisconsin author, blogger and humorist, Ryan J. Zeinert.
That’s what they should have done.
Spoilers ahoy! All will be revealed for the finale! It’s time for The Preview!
(“Now, you know for a fact that my sexiness will deflect those bullets.”)
1 – The season finale is titled “There’s No Place Like Home (Parts 2 & 3).” It should continue to focus on the Oceanic 6, and it will be two hours (8-10pm Central), so TiVo, nap and poop accordingly.
2 – The official press release from ABC reads: “The face-off between the survivors and the freighter people continues, and the Oceanic Six find themselves closer to rescue.”
Wow, thanks for all the juicy details, Vaguey McVaguerson; I would have never guessed that it would end this way. They might as well have said: “Survivors of a plane crash attempt to live on a mysterious island.“
(“Did someone say ‘Fondue?’ Don’t start without me! WAAAALLLLLT!”)
3 – The cast listing for the finale is spectacular and wildly open for theorization and speculation. Making an appearance will be Walt, Richard Alpert, Christian Shepard, Penny Widmore, Charles Widmore, Michael’s mom and the triumphant return of Dr. Marvin Candle. I’m assuming Dr. Markvin Candlewick has something to do with the Orchid Station, which is pretty much the shark that Lost is in danger of jumping over heading into Season 5.
4 – Mined from the Interweb: “A big scene is being planned for filming currently involving the rescue. The Freighter people are NOT the ones that do the rescuing. The season finale will leave you ballistic as far as cliffhangers go.” Quite frankly, I would have expected nothing less.
Also remember that Lost won’t return until January of 2009, so yeah…that’s pretty much terrible. Here’s hoping that by the time the Season 5 premiere hits the airwaves, President Obama will be all sworn in and inaugurated right proper.
(“Jack, your small intestine is looking at me. Might want to get re-stitched.”)
5 – People keep telling me about this spectacular, mind-blowing kiss that’s set to take place during the finale. The way they’ve been building it up, there’s no way I won’t be let down unless Yunjin Kim herself shows up at my door at plants one on me. That being said, my theory is that a kiss will take place at the exact time that the Orchid Station does it’s time-travelin’ magic and essentially stops the world in its tracks. Yeah, it sounds lame, but you never know with Lost.
Well, there you have it; another lemon-scented Lost Monday in the books. Start the conversation in the comments section, send all hate mail and erotic photography to email@example.com, and catch up on Season 4 by checking out every Lost Monday from this year. Cheers.
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Lost Monday – Episode 2 Recap.
Lost Monday – Episode 3 Pop Crunch Recap.
Lost Monday – Episode 4 Recap.
Lost Monday – Episode 4 Pop Crunch Recap.
Lost Monday – Episode 5 Recap.
Lost Monday – Episode 6 Recap.
Lost Monday – Episode 7 Recap.
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Lost Monday – Episode 10 Recap.