I typically don’t like to rant and complain about things that don’t amount to an entertaining punchline, but I just can’t resist sharing my recent home buying experiences with you. I’m flabbergasted, terrified and have no better recourse than to laugh and hold on tight. Pay attention, however, because you are probably indirectly responsible for my optimism.
Here’s how much it’s costing me and the Missus to move into our new house.
1. Down payment for mortgage – $8600.
2. Earnest money – $400.
3. Home inspection fee – $250.
4. Home buyer clause buy-out fee – $965.
5. Stray closing costs – $100.
6. Moving fees – $500.
Bear in mind that this is all expected to be paid by the end of April, a scant 29 days from now.
It also doesn’t include condo fees, additional taxes, repairs and anything that has anything to do with the actual settling into our new home. Nope, this is all paid in advance for the privilege of owning a home. For those keeping score, that’s almost $11,000 out-of-pocket before we even get to see what we’ll need to put into the home itself.
Wow. Damn. I wasn’t exactly prepared for that.
If you think that award-winning blogger and author, Ryan J. Zeinert, is the type of person that would have eleven grand just laying around in the savings account for this sort of occasion, I appreciate your high regard of me. You’d be wrong, though. In fact, on a bet, I think I’d be hard-pressed to find anyone that I knew who had that sort of money ready to go. How in the hell do people afford homes? Just getting into this house is going to bankrupt me.
I was getting worried, certain that there was no way that I could scrap this kind of cash together in such a short time. Even if I drained every account I had, eleven thousand dollars is a lot of money, and I just didn’t think I was in a position to make it work. I started to think that maybe we just weren’t ready to make the jump into home ownership. The month-to-month was more than tolerable, but this initial cash purge was a whole lot for one young couple to muster so quickly.
After a lengthy discussion, marathon number crunching and check writing, it was determined that we were still over two thousand dollars short in covering our overhead expenses. The Missus turned to me, looked a little dejected and said, ‘what are we going to do?‘
But just then, I remembered something. Something beautiful. Something wonderful. The book!
Goddamn it, I wrote a book last year! A good one, too! Not only that, but I’ve been putting every cent of the profits into a savings account that I tried my hardest to forget about every day. For every freelance writing gig or sold book, I’d throw the checks and cash into the savings account and vanish the thought from my mind. Spending money earned through writing seemed wrong to me, and I figured there would come a day when I would feel deserving enough to enjoy it.
Well guess what, bitches? Today is that day. Admittedly, it didn’t take very long.
So, to a large amount of folks out there that purchased a copy of 65 Poor Life Decisions and wondered how I spent your heard-earned cash, I want to let you know that you are partially responsible for me and my wife purchasing our first home, and I cannot thank you enough.
How cool is that?
Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.