1989 CDP Evaluation.

I found this First Grade teacher evaluation amongst a pile of papers my mother sent me late last year. You’re going to want to click on the images to make them larger. It’s worth it.

1989 Evaluation.

The handwriting on the bottom reads: “The boys think he’s really smart, but they’re getting tired of his cockiness.” She also takes the time to underline ‘impulsive’ and mention that I have an authority problem, along with the X’s painting a picture of me that’s nothing short of unstoppable evil.

There’s so much more. Keep reading.

1989 Evaluation.

Again, she takes the time to mention that I’m ‘passively’ uncooperative, and circles some of the most life-scarring and potentially damaging adjectives a person can say about a child. ‘Tics?’ ‘Bizarre?’ Goddamn. I’m quite certain that they no longer use this evaluation form at Winneconne Elementary School.

Notice that she never had anything bad to say about my academic achievements. This was all due in part to my being extremely bored with the coursework presented. She didn’t stimulate me whatsoever, and I had nothing better to do than to entertain myself.

The grand finale is the final comment, which reads: “Ryan is way above First Grade level work. I must always keep him busy, because if I don’t, he’s distracting others. He has no sympathy for anyone and laughs at other children’s mistakes. He also makes up stories and lies.

The ‘has no sympathy for anyone and laughs at other children’s mistakes’ line is, without question, one of the funniest things anyone has ever written about me. I laugh my ass off every time I read it.

Almost 20 years later, and I haven’t changed a bit, and that’s a damn shame. After all, who would want to be a overachieving, defiant, anti-authority storyteller with no time or tolerance for stupidity? What a terrible fate that would have been.

Sound off in the comments section and enjoy your day.

62 thoughts on “1989 CDP Evaluation.

  1. That’s what I was trying to do in the First Grade (quite successfully, I might add), and look where it got me!I didn’t need glasses though, I needed a kick in the ass, a microphone and a stage.


  2. To be clear, I was making fun of myself in that last comment. I didn’t want anyone to think I was proud of my achievements, because that would potentially ruin my image.


  3. This is why the CDP and I are afraid of having kids…what sort of horrible, outspoken, misbehaving, attention-seeking ghouls could we possibly produce? We’d probably end up with a baby Dane Cook or something.


  4. Our child will be beautiful from birth to 18 months, then terrifyingly ugly until they turn 17, tapering into something more acceptable by human standards.My genes are strong; I can’t help it.


  5. <>…tapering into something more acceptable …<>well done sir, well done. You’ve come up with a phrase that leaves limitless possibilities to the imagination. There isn’t a poet alive that wouldn’t stew over these five words for a couple of weeks of quiet introspection.


  6. Thank you. It’s up to the reader to determine exactly what that means, because Lord knows there are people out there that think I’m less than acceptable, and maybe a handful that do not.


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