2007 was a monumental year at the CDP. Web traffic tripled across the boards (2500 people will read this post before Christmas; 2800 before Kwanzaa). Content and essays were about as good as you could expect from a borderline-reclusive with crippling ego issues that doesn’t do anything for anyone anymore. Pop Culture pundits collectively took their dignity back from Perez Hilton and proclaimed me the current King of the Castle, which is about as mixed of a blessing as having a hot stepsister. Hell, I even published my first book, the profits of which allowed me to do the bulk of my Christmas shopping this year (I sure hope everyone likes pennies and string!). Friends were made, enemies were crushed into powder and gallons of brandy were injected straight into my liver.
2007 was also the year that the Madison Cultural Elite welcomed me into their world with open arms, hoisted me onto their collective back and ran me around town while I giggled and tried to hold the pee in. Local press has shined upon thee, hip tastemakers proclaimed me to be ‘in,’ and I was successful in not getting fired from my job for the fourth year running. I spent hours in line at the Post Office due to the loyal fans that wanted an autographed copy of my book, and turned my home office into a monument of receipts, Priority mailers and packing tape. I’ve been told it’s all tax deductible, even the bubble wrap.
So, if you’re just catching up, or can’t get enough of what I’m bringing to the dance, let’s take a look back at the year that was, through the eyes of the Little Blog That Could; the CDP.
3 – I attempt to get edgier with my fashion sense. It doesn’t go well.
5 – Evan, the Official Spokesbaby of the CDP, takes a vacation.
8 – Morphing into a genetic freak takes more work than I’m willing to give.
9 – Randy Orton’s head explodes on national television.
22 – Alcohol and karaoke: an American institution.
1 – I turn 25 years old. Teenage girls officially find me ‘creepy.’
9 – Lost Friday returns for 2007. Hilarity and beards ensue.
14 – The CDP turns 3 years old; finally stops pooping itself.
15 – “What the hell is in our driveway, honey?“
21 – I learn a hard lesson about fatherhood: It sucks ass.
7 – I once again create a Mad-Lib. Traffic reaches all-time low.
12 – I have cybersex against my will; Chris Hansen isn’t amused.
14 – The five stages of grief, updated for the 21st Century.
28 – Me and the Missus have a language all our own: Annoying.
30 – Lost Friday rolls along. Phrase “Bulletproof Breasts” enters lexicon.
2 – I don’t have any black friends.
4 – Thanks to good fortune, I almost die in a fiery car wreck.
5 – One of my first (and best) interviews ever.
16 – The very first Live Video Chat takes place. Chat #2 yet to happen.
24 – I make an effort to not be the least responsible person alive.
1 – How many times do I have to repost this essay before people care?
7 – The CDP & Pork Tornado: The Golden Spike of humor blog excellence.
15 – I love having drunken, emotional breakdowns at public functions.
21/22 – The best Lost captions of Season 3. Oh, the huge Manatee!
28 – The 65 Poor Life Decisions process begins with a whimpering bang.
13 – My annual visit to the House on the Rock. Abject terror ahoy!
15 – The CDP gets a glowing review; my ego takes out an entire city block.
25 – Sometimes I miss my old car, then I realize that I actually don’t.
27 – Live Video Chat #2 is cancelled due to nobody giving a crap.
28 – 65 Poor Life Decisions is in full swing; I’m in full depression.
5 – Welcome to Devil’s Lake. Go to hell.
13 – My single greatest contribution to society, hands down.
16/18 – I teach you how to make a Bomb Pop in my YouTube debut.
23 – I suffer the worst injury of my adulthood thus far.
31 – Bon Jovi visits the family corn stand. Wait, what?
1 – Heinz ketchup is magic!
9 – I break my iPod, along with the spines of everyone at the Apple Store.
20 – The aftermath of the worst vacation of my entire life.
23 – My best friend was a 40 pound cat. No Photoshopping required.
29 – My pain is your belly laugh. Enjoy.
3 – The CDP Fall Television Preview, pre-strike and full of wide-eyed hope.
10 – I’m not known for physical humor, but…here you go.
24 – We visit the Lodi Corn Maze and get all grabby with stuff.
25 – Ken: By Request Only. An Internet mystery solved by me.
28 – The Missus gets a new car. Hipsters everywhere shed a tear.
5 – Dropping a bomb at the EAA.
10 – Geek.Kon PWNZ every N00B in Madison.
12 – I answer everything you ever wanted to know about First Base.
17 – 20 photographs of my Door County vacation. Apple-scented, of course.
24 – An awesomely epic rant on loneliness, aging, the scene and my friends.
6 – 65 Poor Life Decisions is finished. Lock up your nerdy daughters.
13 – The Nationwide Mix-Tape Trade reviews start. Friends are lost.
27 – I give you a behind-the-scenes peek into the last six months.
28 – 65 Poor Life Decisions is locked and loaded, and so am I.
30 – The Single Greatest & Most Important Day In CDP History.
5 – If only for a fleeting moment, I was your king.
6 – You’d assume I was smart enough to handle the Post Office. Nope.
7/14 – Positive press for my book continues. Blushing at an all-time high.
17 – I name my favorite albums of 2007. Any and all cred is destroyed.
18 – I expose myself to friends and fans. A collective ‘ew!’ chimes out.
There you have it; an entire year of my life, condensed and organized for your careful scrutiny. Take your time with this post; check out the links, sound off in the comments section and enjoy your weekend.