Polysics Play Milwaukee; CDP Rants On Music.

When I found out that POLYSICS, the Greatest Band In The World, were coming to play a show in Milwaukee, I laughed it off. After all, this is a band that has never played anywhere near Wisconsin, let alone venture within the borders to permanently rock our Midwestern faces off. The Japanese powerhouses were far too busy selling out baseball stadiums in Tokyo and releasing genre-defining albums to pay us doughy losers lip-service. It made no sense to me; I rolled over and went back to sleep under my cubicle at work. Don’t tease me like that, Wrinkled Hand of Fate.

I then remembered that POLYSICS recently signed a distribution deal with MySpace Records (unfortunate, but effective) in the United States, which meant a US tour would follow. Hmmm, maybe this was about to become a reality.

Say what you want about MySpace, but it knows how to make money and pander to a specific demographic. And regardless of if the MySpace crowd understood the brilliance of Polysics, at least they would be able to sell a lot more records in the US than they used to. When I bought the first 3 POLYSICS albums, I had to order directly from Japan at a cost of over $50 an album. That’s about a billion Yen, I think. With this new deal, POLYSICS albums would be $10 at Best Buy, wedged in between Peter Gabriel and Prince albums. I could roll with this.

So, as part of their new contract, POLYSICS get to hit the road on their biggest United States tour ever. Hitting clubs all over the country (including Milwaukee and Chicago), thousands of kids now get a chance to see sheer brilliance that they probably would have never known existed otherwise. I was pleased as punch, and very happy for my favorite band.

However, because they’re virtually unknown to the US mainstream this point (sadly), POLYSICS will be opening the show, with HelloGoodbye and Say Anything functioning as co-headliners. You’d think that this would bother me, but it’s actually pretty cool. This is a good gateway for POLYSICS to infiltrate the target US demographic that throws tons of cash at their favorite bands. They’re sitting on a potential goldmine here, even though they are globally more rich, respected and famous as HelloGoodbye and Say Anything combined. No bother, I know that most people think music begins and ends in the States.

Still, I’m going to the show(s), and I’ll stay to watch everyone play. HelloGoodbye doesn’t bother me too much. Sure, ‘Forrest’ is kind of an idiot that got extremely lucky when it came to a record deal (the prowess of Drive-Thru Records has fallen from grace faster than Britney Spears and Whitney Houston combined), but he writes catchy tunes and they know how to market their stuff. In fact, I think that ‘Shimmy Shimmy Quarter Turn’ is a pretty awesome track, but then again, I really like Prozzak, too. Take from that what you will.

Say Anything is a bit more annoying, but I like Max Bemis because he’s an insecure asshole with some crippling emotional problems. I can relate to that, and he also says that Saves The Day is his favorite band. It’s nice to see bands like Say Anything reference that fact that Saves The Day already did everything that needed to be done with this particular style of music, and everyone else is just attempting to parody them. I appreciate honesty.

However, it’s always sad when a wildly respected and popular band opens for a younger band with a younger fanbase during a tour. They’re out of their element, nobody knows who they are and nobody cares. I remember seeing Ash open for Saves The Day a few times in 2005, and I was shocked to see that none of the kids knew who they were. Same deal when The Velvet Teen opened for Minus The Bear. You’d think that one or two of ’em would have stumbled upon them by now.

Seriously though, HelloGoodbye and Say Anything have no idea what they’re in for. POLYSICS will take the stage every night and destroy everyone. No shoegazing, no taking it easy for a night, no drugs or bouts of depression. They know one speed and one speed only: Murder. The kids in the crowd won’t have any idea what hit them, and POLYSICS will be selling out of merch every single night. Soon, POLYSICS will be on MTV, J-Pop will invade the United States mainstream and all the scene kids will be wearing matching jumpsuits to school.

At least I can dream, right? Whatever, dude.

When I was in a band at the end of the 90’s, the birth of internet file sharing had barely begun. Before MySpace, MP3.com was the only place for an up-and-coming band to get exposure, and it was so primative at the time that you couldn’t ‘stumble upon’ anything. You either already knew the band beforehand, or you weren’t going to be listening to music. We were on the cusp of having to tour to gain fans, versus recording something in your basement and releasing it for the world to hear the next day.

Today, there’s more ways to share and create music at a hobo’s cost than ever before. From an artistic point of view, bringing previously-expensive methods of expression down to consumer cost is always a good thing. YouTube and MySpace have led the revolution to killing the notion of ‘celebrity;’ people now want to be entertained by people just like themselves. That’s rad, especially for reclusive writers like myself that hate authority and love money.

Let’s start New Wave Jacket. Have a good weekend.

There Goes The Parking Brake Again.

Godspeed, awesome Focus.

The Missus is selling her car!

It’s a 2001 Ford Focus, 4-Door SE Sedan, dark red in color with 75,000 miles to its name.

It comes with automatic transmission, air conditioning, power mirrors, power windows, power doors, remote keyless entry, AM/FM/CD player, cruise control, a rear spoiler and fog lights. It also boasts a 2.0-liter, 4-cylinder engine with immaculate interior and exterior maintenance.

We hate to part with the thing, but we’re in the market for something else, and we just had to let it go. It’s honestly a reliable and super-fun car to drive, and it hasn’t caused us any trouble whatsoever. The tires are great, the brakes are firm and the damn thing looks brand new.

She’s asking $6100 or best offer. Believe me, if you mention the CDP in your inquiry, we can knock a few hundred bucks off of the total. We’re just that nice.

Godspeed, awesome Focus. Again.

This was the 3rd car the Missus has ever owned. Her first car was a 1988 Toyota Crapola that terrified me every time I stepped inside of it. It looked like a Delorean and ran on AA batteries. I clearly remember one awful winter evening, having to drive to the other side of town in the middle of an ice storm to jump-start that thing. It took 5 minutes to get it to highway speed and there were no brakes. I’m pretty glad it’s out of my life.

She then got a really nice 2001 Ford Taurus that was almost instantly totalled in a brutal rear-ending. She really liked that car, but when we received our one million dollar settlement check from the Insurance company, she felt better about letting it go and buying the Focus. And while the Focus has been rad, it’s now time to move on to Vehicle #4, which will be unveiled to the world sometime next week.

As for me, I’ve also owned 4 different cars in my day. My first (and most favorite) was a 1987 black Buick Somerset dubbed ‘The Wild Stallion.’ It had a digital dashboard that converted everything to the Metric system, plush seats and wasn’t an inch under 20 feet long. When I wanted to scare people, I’d turn the dashboard to Metric and convince them I was driving 140 miles per hour. When the transmission started to give out, I was forced to sell it, but not without taking her out for one last ride. I’m in the process of tracking down the junkyard where it currently resides so I can tear the backseat out of it for my Rumpus Room. I miss it.

My Grandparents were nice enough to sell me their 1993 Ford Tempo afterwards, which was the very definition of ‘death trap.’ By the time I got rid of it, I had put over $5000 into repairs, and the odometer read well over 300,000 miles. From what I hear, someone in my hometown bought it and still drives it around to this day, sporting a ‘Mediocre At Best’ bumper sticker on the rear. That makes me happy.

Wild Stallion 3.0 was my 1997 Ford Escort wagon, which I just parted with a couple months ago. Say what you want about driving a station wagon, it hauled groceries like a mo-fo, and it wasn’t like I was cruising for women or anything. It got the job done, and I only sold it because the 2002 Mercury Sable came calling. It’s more luxurious than my bedroom.

I’ll be working on my book all weekend. The release date is getting closer, kids.


CDP Nationwide Mix-Tape Trade Ultimatum.

Mix-Tape Trade Ultimatum.

If you haven’t mailed out a mix-tape to your assigned recipient by now, you are officially TWO WEEKS LATE and fresh out of excuses.

If you haven’t received a mix-tape from your sender yet (I haven’t, along with at least a few others), please sound off in the comments section or send an e-mail to communistdance@yahoo.com, so we can wrap this thing up. Oh, and if you’re one of the folks who decided not to follow the rules, feel free to explain yourself in the comments, as well.

For more information on the Nationwide Mix-Tape Trade, CLICK HERE.

The End Of Lost Friday?

Well, that's the end of that chapter.

It’s official. Lost will return for Season 4 on Monday, February 4 at 8pm Eastern time. ABC has moved Lost out of their comfy Wednesday night lineup, and placed them on the same night as Heroes and 24.

Okay. Whatever. It’s not going to stop me from watching. You could air it on Sundays at 3:45am, and I’d still sit in the dark and take notes while the Missus slept. That bothers me none. Also, it won’t be directly competing with Heroes or 24, so again, it’s a wash. Sure, I prefer a show like Lost airing at 10 Eastern, but I can get used to watching them a little earlier in the day.

The big question is this: What does that mean for Lost Friday?

You know, Lost Friday. The 3rd annual installment of the Funniest Lost Recap On The Planet, as reported weekly by your truly. The award-winning, oft-imitated but never-duplicated slice of Internet heaven that has revolutionized the way you watch television.

You know, that Lost Friday. What are we going to do, here?

Of course, the easy option is to just move Lost Friday to Lost Wednesday, but part of the enjoyment of Lost Friday was that it ended the week on a positive note; it signified the end of the work week and a way to unwind with some humor at the expense of everyone’s favorite show. I don’t want to move the date.

But, who will wait all week to read a recap of a show they watched on Monday? I know I wouldn’t; Lost fans are rabid, and they’ll find their fix as soon as possible. By waiting 4 days to recap an episode, I’ll lose readers, fans and respect. I don’t have the clout for a change that drastic. Ruh-roh!

I’m still thinking it over. Sound off in the comments section and voice your opinions. To whet your appetite for Season 4, here are links to every Lost Friday for Season 3, reminding everyone what pop culture brilliance is supposed to look like.

Season 3 Preview
Season 3 – Episode 1 Review
Season 3 – Episode 2 Review
Season 3 – Episode 3 Review
Season 3 – Episode 4 Review
Season 3 – Episode 5 Review
Season 3 – Episode 6 Review
Season 3 – Episode 7 Review
Season 3 – Episode 8 Review
Season 3 – Episode 9 Review
Season 3 – Episode 10 Review
Season 3 – Episode 11 Review
Season 3 – Episode 12 Review
Season 3 – Episode 13 Review
Season 3 – Episode 14 Review
Season 3 – Episode 15 Review
Season 3 – Episode 16 Review
Season 3 – Episode 17 Review
Season 3 – Episode 18 Review
Season 3 – Episode 19 Review
Season 3 – Episode 20 Review
Season 3 – Episode 21 Review
Season 3 Finale – Lost Monday
Season 3 Finale – Lost Tuesday
Season 3 Finale – Lost Wednesday
Season 3 Finale – Lost Friday

Rockin’ The Suburbs.

Cargirl Makes Suburbia That Much More Awesome.

Step 1 – Get yourself some CDP Swag.
Step 2 – Photograph yourself enjoying CDP Swag.
Step 3 – Send photos to communistdance@yahoo.com.
Step 4 – Enjoy.

Today’s photo comes to us from the coolest Chicago teenager since Ferris Bueller, Cargirl. She’s making the streets of Illinois just a little snarkier, thanks to her CDP Bumper Sticker.

Click here to see other examples of CDP Swag at work, and enjoy your Monday. If you haven’t mailed out your Mix-Tapes yet, you’re quickly running out of excuses. You get until Friday before I start to retaliate. Tally-ho!

I Want That Trophy, So Dance Good.

Look at me go!

What a stupid week.

During any normal weekday afternoon for me, I’d come home from another problem-free day at the office, opting to unwind at Headquarters by catching up on some writing, answering e-mails or further editing my book. People would always praise me for my ambitious efforts, claiming that when they punch out for the day, all they want to do is fall in front of the television and drift off to sleep. I never understood these people, as I find it nearly impossible to relax when I have so much to do in the world of entertaining strangers and further alienating friends.

Now I get it. If you hate your job, it’s pretty damn hard to be creative. Who knew?

If you hate your job, you don’t have the time or effort to do anything but hate your job. The last two weeks at work have been embarrassingly rough for me, and it’s causing me to become nothing short of a worthless mongoloid around the house. I get home, refuse to even step into my office or open the mailbox, and collapse in front of SportsCenter until the Missus comes home and makes me a pizza. I’m falling behind on deadlines, I haven’t touched the CDP Book in weeks, and I don’t even have the energy to care. I just don’t feel like exuding effort when I’m in a bad mood, which is the mantra that most normal people have been following for years now. I’m just catching onto the apathetic trend.

I’ll slip out of this funk quickly, but for now, I’m stuck and don’t care to be saved. Soon enough, I’ll listen to all of those mix-tapes and detail each and every track on this page. Soon enough, I’ll write that Dane 101 article that I promised them I’d have today. Soon enough, I’ll finish this Goddamn book and make dozens of dollars in royalties. Not today, though. Not even tomorrow.

Being lazy and falling behind on deadlines is cheap and sad. There’s no excuse, other than being an ass who’s unable to properly manage your time. But after experiencing 10 full days of what it’s like to truly not want to go to work in the morning, I think I’m starting to see where it’s justified.

Oh, everything will go back to normal before you know it, but until then, you’ll know where to find me. Enjoy your weekend, kids.

Facebook Funnies! (Volume 3.)

Facebook Funnies!

Hello, and welcome to another hilarious installment of ‘Facebook Funnies,’ where we get to peek into the personal lives of Facebook users by simply keeping an eye on the Mini-Feed. It’s wacky! It’s hilarious! It’s Facebook Funnies!

Today’s Facebook Funny comes to us from ‘Sam.’ This was his updated mini-feed on Thursday:

“Sam added “The High School Ministry” to his interests.”

Just 15 minutes later, he posted another update:

“Sam removed “girls” from his interests.”

Thanks for stopping by, and stay tuned for the next installment of Facebook Funnies!