The Coolest Garage Sale In History.

Collector Nerd Strikes Again.

“You think it’s healthy to obsessively collect things? You can’t relate to other people, so you just fill your life with stuff… I’m just like all these other collector losers.”

“We need to find a place where you can go to meet women who share your interests.”

“Maybe I don’t want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests.”

After almost 10 straight days of running around the state, drinking way too much and hemorrhaging large amounts of cash, things are starting to get back to business at CDP Headquarters. I’m still working on the book, writing a baptism ceremony for my nephew, and in the process of digitally archiving over 400 vinyl albums. Unlike burning CD’s, there’s no high-speed options when wax is concerned. Also, if there’s a skip or scratch, you have to start over. Delightfully grand!

Like I said, in my obsessive spree to collect every scrap of recorded music since the beginning of time, I recently came into ownership of a ton of classic albums (thanks for borrowing them out, Jim). Timeless stuff from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, a ton of Beatles rarities and some of the most critically acclaimed works of art to ever exist in the medium (with some absolute garbage thrown in for flavor). It’s a tad overwhelming, but I feel very fortunate to have the opportunity to see these records grow musty in my own basement for awhile, instead of someone elses. Furthermore, I’ve always wanted to listen to that Best Of Bread album that my mom kept telling me so much about. It ain’t all that great, between you and me.

Not only that, but a recent cleaning-out of my deceased Great-Grandmother’s house put me in possession of some of the rarest vinyl I’ve ever seen (she was a depression-era woman who threw nothing away). Never-played albums from the 20’s and 30’s are exploding out of boxes in her basement, and now they’re all mine. Mine! Expect a full post of the booty in the very near future, along with all of the other amazing stuff I made off with. Trust me, you’re going to want to see this; I procured something so amazingly awesome that everything in my house will instantly become envious when it finally shows up on my doorstep. I almost cried when I found out I could have it. Thank you very much, Great Grandma Milly, wherever you are right now. You’ve made this nerd very happy.

Speaking of music, here are the last 10 albums I’ve purchased:

Girl Talk – Night Ripper
I picked this (illegal to sell) album up in Stevens Point at an absolutely wonderful store called Radio KAOS. When I asked him about it, he said “If they want to sue me, they can sue me.” This place is incredible, and I plan on going back up there a few times a year just to clean out my wallet and buy some exceedingly rare CD’s. Top-notch, all the way.

As far as the album goes, it consists entirely of sampled, mashed-up, modern music (hence the legal copyright issues). Ludicris with Neutral Milk Hotel? Beyonce’ with LCD Soundsystem? Smashing Pumpkins with The Breeders laying down the rhythm under a 2 Live Crew vocal? Everything and more, this album is addictive and endlessly listenable. Pick it up nowhere today!

Neutral Milk Hotel On Avery Island
I haven’t listened to it yet, but I have a good idea of what it sounds like. I apologize for any hipster cred I might have ditched by admitting that I don’t already own this album. At least I got around to it, right? Right?

Eagles Of Death Metal Death By Sexy
Dead. Sexy. Rock. A fun, tongue-in-cheek time is had by all, seriously.

Sage Francis Sick Of Waiting Tables
The most tortured and intelligent man in hip-hop operates a lot like me. He likes closure, and this collection of damn near every scrap of footage from his early years gets that done.

Slayer – Reign In Blood
Everyone needs to own ‘The Heaviest Album Of All Time.’ I’m now part of that everyone.

Har Mar Superstar – You Can Feel Me
Sean Tillmann is too damn smart for his own good. I had been wanting to pick this up for awhile, and while I’m glad it’s now officially in my collection, I’ll probably never listen to it again.

Ozma – Pasadena
The band that out-Weezer’ed Weezer emerges from retirement to lay down the power pop. Always good stuff from these guys.

2 Skinnee J’s – Sexy Karate
One of the best Nerdcore hip-hop outfits on the planet, the J’s release their posthumous album and geek off into the sunset.

Sean Na Na – Family Trees
Again, Sean Tillmann is a genius. Everything this guy does is beautiful, smart and musically sonic…except for the Har Mar stuff.

Of Montreal – Icons, Abstract Thee EP
The EP from Hissing Fauna…is another slice of the Of Montreal pie. One of the most talented and hardest-working men in indie rock, Kevin Barnes will own the world one day.

So, with my collections beginning to take up too much space in the Rumpus Room, I’ve once again revisited the idea of pimping out my basement. Because I currently rent, I have to find a non-destructive and temporary way to pull it off, while still making sure it rocks properly. Part of me wants to just wait until we buy a house to do anything rash, but the impulsive part of me wants it done yesterday. In the end, I’ll just go with whatever the Missus thinks we should do. She’s already agreed that the basement is my project to spearhead, but she’s probably right that I should wait.

When I was a kid, I would throw out tons of toys and clothes every few months, as I thought that I would never need them again. My OCD tendencies, along with my desire to abandon materialism and become a monk, caused me to have to completely start over when I became older. Nowadays, if anyone asks me why I buy such weird and potentially useless stuff, I just tell them that I’m preparing for the coolest garage sale in history.

13 thoughts on “The Coolest Garage Sale In History.

  1. If you like 2 Skinnee J’s, take a listen to MC Lars (which you may have already.) I love his music for many reasons, not the leat of which is his <>Hot Topic is not Punk Rock<> song.Also, I went by Best Buy and am currently drooling over a USB turntable. I have some rare live Jimi Hendrix I want to archive. Perhaps when I get it all done and finally have your moonshine, we can do a swap.


  2. I’ll give MC Lars a listen.Yeah, once I get all of this music onto my iTunes, I’ll be able to pretty much burn and trade whatever I want. I really need to see how long this vinyl archiving is going to take, though. If it’s going to be an insanely long and worthless task, I might just scrap it and kill myself.


  3. If you really sat down and looked at everything that I own, it could probably all fit in a 12×12 room. I mean, come on! Dude gets his hands on a few records, and all of a sudden he’s wearing Kleenex boxes on his feet and starting a lint collection? Right.


  4. Whoa there big fella. That had better not be the Jim I know, as in “brother Jim”. If he got rid of some Beatle stuff without consulting me, then trouble is in the making. I don’t know who is deeper water, him or you for accepting this stuff behind my back. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your underwear drawer.


  5. I miss <>The Wonder Years<>. More specifically, I miss Winnie.Gosh, no classi show has inspired so many more classic shows than <>The Wonder Years<>. If I ever get a TV show, it’ll be the same deal, only set in the 80’s and starring a midget that looks just like me.


  6. Tinman, Jim <>borrowed<> them to me. Borrowed. He made that very clear. As part of the agreement, I’m going to burn him CD’s of anything I’m able to archive.If this works, I’ll be coming after your record collection next. You’ve been warned.


  7. Hey CDP! Long time reader, first time commenter…This is unrelated to your entry but…have you heard about the new project from the MST3K guys? Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbitt are now “The Film Crew” and they released a DVD today. Basically its MST3K minus the outlines on the bottom of the screen.You should get it…and maybe mention it on the blog. It never hurts to advertise…


  8. Actually Animan, I’ve had a link to The Film Crew’s web site for quite some time now. You’re right, though, it never hurts to get the word about as much as possible. MST3K V2.0 is finally here!Thanks for commenting; don’t be a stranger!


  9. Sounds like your going to need that show Clean House to come soon (with so much vinyl around). Sounds like a lot of good stuff there CDP 🙂


  10. Thanks, Buf. I have OCD when it comes to keeping the place clean, so hopefully the HG Network won’t have to invade just yet. Thanks for stopping by!


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