Welcome to a very special Lost Friday. We have so much to discuss, I don’t even have time to finish this sente
Today was ‘Take Your Child To Work Day‘ at my office, which is almost as fun as ‘Please Kick Me In The Schwanz With A Steel-Toed Boot Day.’ I spent my afternoon cowering in fear and hiding all of my breakable toys, wondering what I did to deserve such punishment and sticky hands. I even ran to the store and bought a bunch of candy so they would stop asking me questions.
Boy, I had everything planned out. I had a 10 minute speech planned on the ins and outs of the Examination process. Ten minutes on everything they would ever need to know about taking a test. I was going to let them fill out their own Scantron sheets, print big stickers with their names on them; pretty much change their lives forever concerning the subject of examinations on a State level. I was going to be the one they remembered over the weekend and told all their school friends about. The cool one.
Instead, they screwed with my toys, took all my Fun-Size candy bars, chewed me up and spat me right the hell back out. When they left, I had to look down and see if they took my pants, too. The saddest thing was having to go back around my work area and throw away all the neat stuff I planned for them; stuff nobody would ever see. No; actually the saddest thing was being gang-raped by 13 children and having to smile the whole time. Connor tied my Slinky in a knot! They had my Lucky Cat and were waving it around over their heads! That thing cost me fifty bucks!
“I’m going to tell my Mom that you said you hated her,” chimed one of the older girls. Seriously. I’m not even close to making that up.
Apart from that, I’m back in the gym again, and my muscles are all atrophied and sore. Every time I’m there, I’m forced to watch the personal trainer meticulously sculpt and preen his already chiseled frame. He’s over there, squatting 900 pounds over a pit of flames, and I’m squirting out pee trying to benchpress a barbell with no weight on it. Not cool, buddy.
This week, I wanted to do something a little different than usual for Lost Friday. the episode itself was interesting and captivating enough, but some moments were more important than others. For those of you who want me to run down the hard-nosed facts, these Cliff’s Notes should get you all caught up:
1. Jin’s mom = Blackmailing whore.
2. Sun = Unfaithful; not sure who the baby daddy is.
3. Jin = Paying off Sun’s debt through murder and Roundhouse kicks.
ON THE BEACH:
4. Jin = Sun’s baby daddy.
5. Sun = Probably gunna die.
6. Juliet = Still evil. Hates Ben.
AT THE PARACHUTE SITE:
7. Mikhail = Not dead. Repairs woman’s lung.
8. Jin = Really wants that satellite phone.
9. Parachutist = “Everyone on Flight 815 is dead.”
10. Jin = Did I mention the Roundhouse kick?
Happy? Good; now let’s talk about something else. Something wonderful. Something that could possibly go down in history as the Single Greatest Moment In The History Of Lost.
I’m referring, of course, to Jin’s Roundhouse Kick.
Completely unnecessary and absolutely out of nowhere, Jin unloaded on Mikhail with the intensity of a Korean Chuck Norris, sending Patchie to the mat and scoring one for the dude with the unfaithful wife. It was over-the-top, pandering and possibly borderline racist, but it was also pure gold.
To fully appreciate and dissect this most wonderful moment, we need to delve into some history. What exactly is a Roundhouse Kick? Where did it come from? Did the word ‘awesome’ even exist before the Roundhouse Kick was invented? I need answers!
Slow down, fat ass. I’m getting there.
From Wikipedia: “A roundhouse kick (also known as a round kick or turning kick) is a kick in which the attacker swings his or her leg around in a semicircular motion, striking with the front of the leg or foot. This type of kick is utilized in many different martial arts and is popular in both non-contact and full-contact martial arts competitions. The kick has many variations based on stance, leg movement, striking surface, and the height of the kick.”
In Popular Culture: “Possibly due to the move’s combination of motion and power- the attacker spins fully around, which makes for a powerful-looking attack- it became a prerequisite feature in many fighting video games and a common ‘finishing move’ in martial arts sequences in film and television. The latter case is best exemplified in Walker: Texas Ranger, in which the lead character (played by Chuck Norris) almost always defeated the episode’s villain with a reverse roundhouse kick, inevitably to the head, shown twice from different angles.”
Now that you’re all caught up with the most devastating and amazing Move in the History of Devastating and Amazing Moves, let’s get into the particular kick in question: Jin’s.
Mikhail accidentally walked into the scene in the jungle, as Jin, Hurley, Charlie & Desmond were all trying to figure out how to save the woman that fell out of the sky just minutes earlier. After trying to make a break for it (and amazingly not running into any trees with his horrible depth perception), Jin catches up with him and promptly hands him his ass on a platter.
This is one of the many reasons I like Jin. Sure, he could have just knocked Mikhail out with a straight right hand, or even a spinning backfist if he was feeling frisky.
But no. Oh, hell’s no.
Jin wanted to send this dude a message. Why? I have no idea. Maybe he was just in a pissy mood from standing out in the rain all day. He stepped back, thought about it for a second, and said to himself, “Nope, I think I’m just going to kick this turd’s head clean off.“
Thy will be done.
Personally, I rewound my DVR and watched it 4, maybe even 5 times. With a show like Lost that prides itself on logical explanations for out-of-this-world scenarios, I couldn’t think of a single reason why Jin would unleash a move like that unless he just wanted to look awesome.
And he did. And so did his wife.
Of course, there are some negative connotations to what we’ve just witnessed. There’s a chance; a good chance, that we may never seen anything as awesome on Lost ever again. Some experts say that they should have saved the Roundhouse kick until the Season Finale or maybe even the Series Finale. The experts say that the only way to outdo one Roundhouse kick is by having the entire cast do Roundhouse kicks at the same time. Clearly, this is an idea the producers have been kicking around for Sweeps, and I really can’t blame them.
Also, there’s the notion that Lost might have jumped the shark with this one amazing frame of action. I mean, in the past, this scene would be something I’d write about on here as a joke; something that never happened in the actual episode, but something I found funny nonetheless. Now that things are happening on the show that I would normally use to mock the show, I’m pretty sure the Lost universe is set to implode inside of itself. You cannot parody and satirize something that already has gotten to the point where it’s satirizing itself.
Sure, to you it was just a Roundhouse kick. To me, it was the most important moment of the season.
Next week’s episode is titled “The Brig.” It will be Locke-centric and cover his last few days on the island, picking up right where we last left him with his Father. It will contain NO off-island flashbacks; a first for the show.
So yeah, after writing 17 of these things in a row, I’m kind of taking a mulligan. Thanks for understanding, kids. Have a good weekend.
Season 3 Preview
Season 3 – Episode 1 Review
Season 3 – Episode 2 Review
Season 3 – Episode 3 Review
Season 3 – Episode 4 Review
Season 3 – Episode 5 Review
Season 3 – Episode 6 Review
Season 3 – Episode 7 Review
Season 3 – Episode 8 Review
Season 3 – Episode 9 Review
Season 3 – Episode 10 Review
Season 3 – Episode 11 Review
Season 3 – Episode 12 Review
Season 3 – Episode 13 Review
Season 3 – Episode 14 Review
Season 3 – Episode 15 Review
Season 3 – Episode 16 Review
Season 3 – Episode 17 Review