Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.
Or do we?
What happened this week? Did anything happen this week? Beats me, because I started nodding off about halfway through it. I understand that it’s always nice to catch our breath after a few weeks of crazy plot advancement, but I’m fairly certain that we did nothing but hang around the house this week. After what happened with Desmond last Wednesday, “Stranger In A Strange Land” paled by comparison.
The ratings have dropped, the timeslot has changed, the story’s getting more confusing and less interesting. Perfect.
I’m a believer in giving as much as you get, so I’m only putting as much effort into this week’s Lost Friday as I feel the writers of this week’s episode have given to me. How biblical.
So, in lieu of the Thick & Meaty, I present to you the Thin & Meager.
Jack heads to Thailand to ‘find himself.’ Along the way, he manages to stumble head-first into what has to be the single most beautiful woman in the entire country, named Achara. Jack and Achara begin a tryst that lasts about a month, in which they exchange vegetarian recipes and old episodes of MST3K on VHS.
Jack finds out that Achara is a tattoo artist, mainly because she never has any money and constantly reeks of weed. She claims that she’s able to tattoo people with her vision of what kind of person they are. Jack demands to be inked, and Achara obliges, drawing a Gingerbread house on the small of his back. The locals aren’t keen on Jack’s ‘Scamp Stamp,’ so they beat the crap out of him and make him leave the country. Soon thereafter, Achara is beamed back to her home planet.
This marks the first time in history that an American doctor has gone to Thailand without having sex with a child.
ON THE MAIN ISLAND:
Kate and Sawyer are paddling back to shore. Kate wants to go back for Jack. Sawyer says no. Karl mutters and pees his pants. The world collectively yawns and scratches itself.
Karl misses Alex. Sawyer tells him that it’s okay to be a big sissy. Karl blows his nose on Sawyer’s shirt. Sawyer shoots Karl.
Kate and Sawyer are on the rocks concerning their relationship, as Jack is always in the back of Kate’s mind. The storyline circles the drain and gurgles thusly.
ON HYDRA ISLAND:
Juliet is on trial for killing Danny. Jack wants to help, but he’s too busy having pointless flashbacks. Eventually, Jack lies for Juliet and she is spared, only after being branded with the Star of Bethlehem.
Cindy and the rest of the kidnapped children gather around Jack’s cage to ‘watch.’ Jack angrily growls and scares them off. We learn nothing as to what’s going on with them, which is the theme of the evening.
Jack realizes what Juliet did to help him and his friends, so he decides to nurse Ben back to help in exchange for his word. In return, Ben pardons Juliet. By the end of the episode, they’re all sailing back to the main island, where the Others live and be merry. Fade to black; I throw a beer bottle at the TV and go to bed.
Sorry, kids. Them’s the breaks for giving me nothing to work with. Let’s Break It Down!
4 – Again; an American doctor in Thailand, and he’s not looking for child prostitutes? No way! I’ve had to suspend my disbelief a lot for this show, but I’m drawing the line here.
8 – In hindsight for the Others, it didn’t make much sense to send your only doctor to infiltrate the Castaways and start killing people. There must have been a better way to utilize that guy. His hands are delicate, for God’s sake!
15 – Jack’s tattoo was a huge letdown. It means exactly what I thought it meant. Fantastic.
16 – At the end of the episode, we were supposed to feel bad for Alex and Karl, being separated after such a traumatic ordeal. In tune, I yelled “Don’t care!” at the television before I shut it off. Why? Because I don’t care, and nobody else should. Those characters don’t nearly have enough depth to generate an emotional response from the audience, especially when they’re up against Kate and Sawyer.
23 – Last week, Lost boasted some of their lowest ratings ever. I can’t imagine this episode doing any better. To write an entire episode around the significance of a tattoo, you won’t exactly be roping the fans in.
42 – Screw this.
It’s time for The Preview. Tiny Spoilers Ahoy!
4 – Episode 10 is titled “Tricia Tanaka is Dead.” It will be Hurley-centric.
8 – The official preview from ABC reads: “Hurley’s discovery of an old, wrecked car on the island leads him on a mission of hope not only for himself, but for a fellow survivor in need of some faith. Meanwhile, Kate and Sawyer reunite with their fellow castaways, but Kate is still torn about leaving Jack behind with “The Others.”
15 – In flashbacks, we’ll see Cheech Marin playing the role of Hurley’s dad. We’ll also see the Chicken Shack destroyed by a meteor, per Hurley’s story last season.
16 – Rousseau will return this week, crazy as ever.
23 – TV Guide states: “Happy days are here again when Hurley enlists Sawyer, Jin and Charlie to help him get that metal wreck started. Sawyer, meanwhile, sets a new record for most pop-culture references uttered in a single Lost episode. In addition to a Little House shout-out, the con artist formerly known as James Ford name-drops IHOP, Hooked on Phonics and Skeletor. Rocky III even gets a little plug, but that one Sawyer can’t take credit for.”
42 – As most Hurley episodes go, expect this one to be funny, charming and not too focused on serious storyline advancement. I’m actually looking forward to it. I’ve always liked the Hurley episodes.
Well, there you have it. The leanest, meanest Lost Friday ever. Sound off in the comments section and send hate mail or erotic photos to email@example.com. When you’re done with all of that, head on over to The Coconut Internet and tell them I’m an ass. They’ll laugh heartily. As always, here are links to every Lost Friday this season.
Season 3 Preview
Season 3 – Episode 1 Review
Season 3 – Episode 2 Review
Season 3 – Episode 3 Review
Season 3 – Episode 4 Review
Season 3 – Episode 5 Review
Season 3 – Episode 6 Review
Season 3 – Episode 7 Review
Season 3 – Episode 8 Review