There’s More To Appleton Than Our Acclaimed Escorts.
This is the single funniest Onion article of all-time, and here’s why. Read this snippet from a CDP essay published in April of 2006:
-April 3, 2006 – “Fact Or Crap? – CDP Edition.”
When I was 13 years old, I did some web design for an escort service in my former hometown of Appleton, Wisconsin. I became friends with the wealthy owner of the company, and was promised a free date with the girl of my choice when I turned 18, along with the keys to his Porsche Boxter for the night.
Fact Or Crap? – FACT!
I think I might have stumped a lot of people with this one. Truth is, this really happened back in 1995-1996. The internet might have been new at the time when it came to the globalization of information and commerce, but since day one, it was always a worldwide pornography and prostitution ring. Let it be known that I was there for the glory days.
I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know how I got away with it and I don’t know why my mom didn’t step in sooner, but it’s all true. This story ends peacefully and morally though, with the aforementioned rich owner getting arrested and sent to the clink for shady business deals; mainly because he was, you know, running a whorehouse (all true). I’ve since attended confession many times to right my past wrongs.