The following survey was in the CDP Inbox last week. Instead of tossing it, like I toss all of my fan mail and 8×10 glossy requests, I filled it out in the hopes of never receiving one again.
Enjoy, I suppose.
Survey: Tell Me Everything!
Full Name – The CDP.
Birthday – February of 1982.
Age – Twenty-Four (far too old for this).
Height – 5’10”.
Weight – 160, pushing for 250.
Hair Color – Blonde; currently dyed ‘Cinnamon Brown.’
Eye Color – A boring shade of Hazel.
Where were you born? – Neenah, Wisconsin.
Do you have siblings? – Yep.
How many? – One.
Their ages? – Nineteen.
Genders? – Female.
Names? – The Sissus.
Color – Black; it goes with everything.
Movie – Pulp Fiction.
Book – Johnny Got His Gun, By Dalton Trumbo.
Song – ‘Holiday‘ By Weezer. It changes on a weekly basis, however.
Music Style – Drums, Guitar, Bass and Vocals always does it for me.
Band – No band has done more for rock music than the Beatles. Sorry.
Actor – Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction.
Actress – Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.
TV Show – Mystery Science Theater 3000 & The Simpsons.
Animal – The Domestic Cat. Preferrably Siamese.
Food – Pasta Alfredo. Don’t skimp on the Alfredo; I’ve got weight to gain.
Director – Christopher Nolan; I’m seeing The Prestige on Friday.
Author – I’m a fan of the Disinformation collective.
Hobby – Writing about my hobbies.
School Subject – Music Production.
Flavor – Flav’.
Day of the week – Sunday.
Store – I spend way too much money at Best Buy and Express.
Restaurant – Fyfe’s in Madison. I like the Olive Garden, as well.
Sport – Professional Football; College Basketball; Fake Wrestling.
Cartoon Character – Hank Scorpio.
Perfume/Cologne – Swiss Army.
Word – Cacophony.
Candy – Krackel.
Shape – The Right Angle.
Pizza Topping – Spinach & Mushrooms.
Clothing Brand – Express, OBEY.
Shoe Brand – Skechers have been good to me recently. I used to wear Airwalk.
Teacher – Mrs. Broderick; Kindergarten.
Instrument – Percussion is the only real instrument.
Number – Zero. It goes with everything.
Car – MINI Cooper.
Month – October.
Season – Autumn. It’s the most emo of seasons.
Theme – Hawaii 5.0. I’m not sure this was the question, but I’m going with it.
Holiday – Halloween; it’s a holiday, turd.
Letter – W, because it’s the only three-syllable letter.
Magazine – Entertainment Weekly, I guess. I don’t read many magazines.
State – Wisconsin is the best state in the nation.
Country – Canada or England.
City – Madison, Wisconsin. I’m living the dream.
Dessert – Ben & Jerry’s Mint Chocolate Cookie ice cream.
Sports Team – Packers, Red Sox & Kentucky Wildcats. It’s been a rough year.
Place to Hang – My house. It contains everything I own.
Do you look for in a guy/girl? – Humor, good grammar, intelligence.
School do you attend? – I haven’t attended school since January of 2004.
Qualities should your friends have? – They should make me less of an ass.
Is your earliest memory? – My Dad throwing up while changing my diaper.
Best memory? – The first time I smooched the Missus.
Worst memory? – I block bad memories from my psyche. Who are you, again?
Do in your spare time? – TV, music, writing, reading, eating grilled cheese. The usual.
Is/are your pet peeve(s)? – Driving whilst on the phone; the human race in general.
Do you like to learn about? – Science, Biographies, Psychology, How people work.
Do you Treasure most? – The Missus. Or my CD collection.
Do you Miss the most? – Unemployment.
Looks matter to you? – Not really, unless they’re required for the position.
You get jealous easy? – Not anymore. I’m secure with being a complete failure.
You have a short temper? – I’ll kill you! I’ll kill all of you!
You enjoy music, theatre, culture? – Most of it. Perhaps not as much as I should.
You like to cook? – I love to cook, but I suck at it.
Can you cook? – Not at all. I should take a class or something.
You have bad habits? – Hundreds. Maybe millions.
What are they? – Typical OCD-related behavior. I’ve spell-checked this thing 29 times.
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? – I have a wife. It’s like having a girlfriend with money.
How many b/f or g/f’s have you had in your life? – Maybe a half-dozen. Not too many.
What’s your longest relationship? – The Missus; almost seven years and counting.
Which do you prefer?
Black or White? – Color-wise or people-wise? I’m too afraid to answer.
Action or Comedy? – Good comedy always beats good action. It’s much harder to do.
Fantasy or Non-fiction? – Non-fiction, all the damn way.
Fruits or veggies? – Veggies. I have scurvy.
Pop or juice? – Pop? You must be from Wisconsin. Where’s the bubbler?
Pie or cake? – Pie-flavored cake.
Mountains or beach? – The Beach, although I cannot swim.
Country or city? – I prefer to work in the city and live in the country for now.
Classical or rock? – Rawk.
Rap or hip-hop? – Crunk.
Movies or books? – Books. Movies have really bored me lately.
Winter or summer? – Winter.
Spring or fall? – Fall.
Math or English? – Math; English has no rules. It’s impossible, even though I’m skilled at it.
Do you believe in true love? – I don’t know, but I definitely believe in false love.
Is love magical? – If you’re married to Lance Burton, then certainly.
Can love last forever? – Absolutely, provided you’re immortal.
Is fighting good for a relationship? – It depends on if it causes healthy progress or not.
Do you believe in love at first sight? – I believe in infatuation that turns into love, so yes.
Have you ever been in love? – Yep.
Are you in love now? – Yep.
Would you do anything for the one you love? – Nope. I’ll shave when I want to.
Date – June 19, 2004. That was a great date.
Night out – Dinner, dessert, drinks and a designated driver.
Day – Waking up in a foreign hotel with the Missus and a trillion dollar bill.
Love – I don’t understand the question.
House – Something so minimalist that I can’t even get inside.
Dream – That one where I’m on the Japanese game show with Sara Rue.
Describe your personality as best you can – People-alienating; difficult.
Describe your love’s personality as best you can – Unwavering and dependable.
Never send me these again; but please do send fan mail and 8×10 glossy requests to firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you for your patronage; I’ll see you tomorrow.