As of today, me and the Missus have been married for two years.
We’ve been a couple for almost seven years.
In the near-seven years we’ve been an item, there have been only two days where we didn’t see each other.
While I don’t remember these two days personally, the Missus assures me that they exist. I guess we got into a bit of fight sometime during high school, and I skipped school for two days because I was afraid to face her or something. Sounds about right, and I’m certain that it was my fault. Regardless, we ran out of interesting things to tell each other in 2001. Nowadays, we just sit around and talk about things that other people have done in their lives; usually celebrities and professional athletes.
Every time another one of these relationship milestones comes and goes, her parents always remark at how amazed they are. Mainly due to the fact that the Missus’ attention span doesn’t allow her to keep suitors or interests longer than a few weeks. I’m aware of this, so I’m always thinking of new ways to keep the marriage fresh. Here are some ideas that have worked well for me in the past; try them out for yourself sometime:
1. Every few weeks, I’ll get home from work early and break something that’s special to her. This can be something like a family heirloom, or perhaps an expensive dress. When she comes home, I have her walk around and hunt for the item in question, while informing her if she’s ‘hot’ or ‘cold.’ She used to cry, but now has grown quite accustomed to the fun and unpredictable nature of it.
2. You have to get out of the house and do something as a couple at least once every two weeks. It’s best to do something collaborative, where you can put your heads together and work as a team. For this, we usually head out to a small border town and kidnap a stranger. We don’t kill them or anything, we just scare the whiz out of them and dump them off at a bus station. Just try to keep from making out after an adrenaline rush like that.
3. I sometimes go to work naked. Now, the Missus really doesn’t know I do this, but she can see it in my swagger when I return home.
When you spend every waking moment with someone, it becomes more and more difficult not to simply take them for granted. Some days, it’s quite easy to regard a significant other as someone who’s just always around, much like a couch or house plant. In order to combat this, I suggest fighting for no reason. The second you start to feel like your husband or wife is non-existant, just do something so monumentally stupid that they have no choice but to bust your chops for the next four days. It keeps things fresh, and there’s never a dull moment.
In the end, I’m just really glad that the Missus allows me to be her house plant. Happy Cotton Anniversary, Celia. I love you more than toast.
Click here to be shot two years back in time to our wedding day. Click here to be shot back just one, to our first anniversary. Sound off in the comments section, and tell me how proud you are of the two of us.