The Summer Of The CDP.

Give Uncle Scrotor a hug!

After over 100 posts in about 130 days, the CDP is taking a well-earned blog vacation. We will return on Monday, June 5, with new material and rerun-free summer programming.

Until then, sound off in the comments section, and drink plenty of fluids. It’s hot out there.

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Lost Friday – "Live Together, Die Alone."

Live Together, Die Alone.
Season Two – Episode 23/24: “Live Together, Die Alone.”

The final Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

For the 2-hour finale, Lost attempted to deliver the goods while maintaining plenty of mystery for Season Three. What resulted was a mind-blowing (albeit scattershot) closing of the book on a lot of unresolved issues, evolving into an episode that stood unique from anything else they have ever done. For one, this was the first episode through the eyes of someone who was not on Oceanic Flight 815. Also, this was the first episode to feature a real-time scene with characters off of the island.

Make no mistake, this episode was different. There was a lot they needed to squeeze into this episode, so no moment was wasted, and perhaps came off a tad rushed. That all being said, most every promise was kept and fans were left satisfied and wanting more. (“You’ve been great, I’m outta here!”)

For this Lost Friday, I wanted to cover all of the big questions and answers from the finale. I’m doing away with The Skinny (and photos) this week because nobody reads either, it’s cumbersome and poorly-written, people think the captions suck and I’m drunk. Away we go.

ANSWER: Oceanic 815 crashed on September 22, 2004.

This is the first time the exact date had been verified on the show. For awhile, people had speculated that this was taking place in the distant past or future, and the producers did nothing to quell the rumors. As of the season finale, they have been on the island for about 65 days, putting them at around November 26, 2004. By these standards, we should get a Christmas episode as the season three finale, and Sun will have her baby in season nine.

QUESTION: Who’s dead?

True to form, we were left to ponder many things over the summer. Most importantly, the fates of Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Locke, Eko & Desmond are up in the air (even Jin, Sun & Sayid might be in danger). After finding out that Michael wouldn’t be a regular character, many people (including myself) speculated that he would die on Wednesday. Not the case. In my opinion, none of these main characters (including Desmond) will be dead, but they won’t be in great shape, either. I believe that the Others will take Jack, Kate and Sawyer back to their fancy compound, and grill them thoroughly, perhaps even batter-dip them.

ANSWER: We know why the plane crashed.

The Others didn’t select these people to end up on the island. The castaways didn’t end up there because of their past shortcomings and conflicts. They were not placed there for any logical reason. Desmond simply bashed Kelvin’s head on a rock, forgot to push the button and the magnetic energy sucked Flight 815 from the sky. Whoops-a-daisy.

As it were, the Swan hatch really is important. Because of a leak in the electromagnetic field, pressure needs to be released every 108 minutes to avoid another ‘incident’ (which I think we finally saw). What exactly happened is a mystery for now, but they certainly weren’t acting as rats at a feeder. The work being done in the hatch was big enough to effect people in remote parts of the globe, and cause a devastation large enough to be noticed. Which reminds me…

ANSWER: They’re not dead.

They’re not dead. They’re not in purgatory. They’re alive. They exist on the planet, and so does the island. They are somewhere on the globe, living in the present day, and what they do has effected someone else on the planet at least once. Oh, they’re not on Atlantis, either. However…

QUESTION: What’s with the statue?

This episode had a faint parallel with the Odyssey, and the giant statue wasn’t the least subtle of the bunch. For starters, Desmond’s love interest is named Penelope, which was the name of Odysseus’ wife. If you recall, Penelope waited over 20 years for Odysseus to return from, you guessed it, circumnavigating the world. The letter she wrote to him also strongly eluded to the epic.

The statue might actually be remnants of an ancient, advanced civilization, or perhaps the Others are constructing this thing. Why it has four toes is beyond me. Maybe they really like The Simpsons.

QUESTION: What happened to the hatch?

The hatch seemingly vaporized after Desmond hit the fail safe, but there must be some sort of logical explanation, right? After all, Henry wanted Locke to stop pushing the button. Why would an Other want something like that to happen on the island, seemingly ruining their experiment and exposing their ongoings to the rest of the world? When the sky turned violet, Henry seemed relieved in what had happened. So, what had happened?

Consider the following. Now that the electromagnetic hatch has been (arguably) destroyed, who’s to stop people from finding the island? Normally, the waves would scramble the compasses and signals, but it would appear to be wide open for the taking at this point. Also, the escape directions given to Michael might be flawed now that the magnet’s not working.

I’ve wasted my life.

QUESTION: Is Henry in charge?

It would seem that way. Certainly, Zeke (Tom) is not. I still believe that they all answer to ‘Him,’ although Henry might call the shots on the island. And why not? He’s quite the imposing figure, and his voice doesn’t sound the least bit gay.

ANSWER: We found the light!

I really enjoyed all the ‘callbacks’ to the season 1 finale and the first episode of season 2. From Desmond greeting Jack with “you?” to using dynamite to blow the hatch open again, they really wrapped the season in a nice package and crammed it down our throats. They mentioned Dr. Arzt again, and quite strikingly, showed the simultaneous breakdowns of Locke and Desmond, each restoring their faith in the other without even knowing it. That was eerie. I had to take a moment to reflect.

QUESTION: What’s up with the Widmores?

The two biggest mentions of Widmore up until this episode was the fact that Michael probably worked construction for them, and Sun used one of their pregnancy tests. The online assumption is that Widmore was commissioned to build these hatches on the island back in the day. Widmore seems like a guy that would know Hanso, and also, Sun’s dad’s company might be in on the action as well.

Penelope knows that her dad is evil, and used his money to try to find Desmond again. Hence the arctic couple that were monitoring the electromagnetic activities all over the globe. How she figured this all out will make for an amazing episode next season. I think this will be the start of flashback episodes concerning people off of the island.

QUESTION: How did Kelvin get there?

Well, how did he? Will we ever know? In one episode, he’s an American CIA agent teaching Sayid how to torture. The next episode, he’s painting the blast doors with laundry detergent.

He made Desmond believe that the outside was infected as a way to get him to take his place after he escaped. I did the same thing with my wife to get her to marry me. Worked like a charm!

ANSWER: The Pearl station was the real experiment.

Seeing that mound of tubes was genuinely depressing to me. I got to thinking about all the notebooks, concentrating and time spent doing something you think is noble, only to find out it’s been a massive waste of your life. Trust me, every time I post something here, I feel the same way.

Also, it was great to see Sayid whip open the once-heavily guarded Hatch door to find nothing. Something tells me that the Others are merely an acting troupe that got thrown overboard from the Carnival Cruise Ship they were performing on.

QUESTION: Michael and Walt just get to leave the island?

That’s it? Considering how important Walt was to the Others, I’m quite surprised they let him go, and gave him a boat at that. Did the Others get everything they needed out of Walt? Will Walt ever get a flashback episode? If Michael gets rescued, will he really tell anyone what happened to him?

WAAAAAALLLLLT!

QUESTION: Is Dave ‘Dave?’

You want a Libby/Hurley connection? Here’s one for you:

Libby’s dead husband was named Dave; the very name of the imaginary guy Hurley would hang out with at the psych ward. Remember how Libby was looking at Hurley when he had his picture taken with ‘Dave?’ Perhaps this is the same guy, and Libby was following Hurley as a means to understand. They wouldn’t have put so much emphasis on his name if it wasn’t important. I’m just saying is all.

ANSWER: The castaways know how to escape.

Well, sort of. Henry told Michael the best way off the island (if he’s telling the truth, and if the directions still work after the Hatch destruction), and Jack, Kate and Sawyer heard it. Assuming those three people aren’t executed, and assuming that Sayid didn’t crash Desmond’s sailboat, they could technically make a break for it out there. With this hope for rescue, along with the fact that the island is starting to make some global noise, the castaways will be more driven than ever to escape.

Besides, if they don’t come home within a month, they’re going to miss Christmas, and that’s going to suck.

QUESTION: Are the Others ‘the good guys?’

They’ve kidnapped children. They’ve killed people. They were planning on taking Aaron and leaving Claire to die. They shot darts at people, presumably with feces or some other undesirable coating the tip. So, are they really good people?

Perhaps, in their own mind. Look, what they’re doing on that side of the island seems like important and time-consuming work, but they might be getting a tad self-absorbed. Show me a guy wearing a fake beard, and I’ll show you someone who’s not being honest. I really like when Henry asked Tom where his beard was, and Tom said “I think they know.”

ANSWER: Desmond and Henry are coming back as regulars.

Desmond’s not dead; we still need him around for flashback material. Also, we will see a lot more of the Others next season, especially considering that they have three castaways (including many children and Cindy) held hostage. Their motives will start to come more into focus in season three, and we’ll get a slew of new characters out of the deal.

ANSWER: The Season Two DVD comes out on October 3, 2006.

I’m waiting in line at Best Buy as we speak. Remember that next season will be split up into two ‘acts,’ the first running 7 episodes and the second running the remaining 17. In between, Lost will take what appears to be a three-month hiatus over the winter to make room for lesser programming.

That’s unacceptable, but it’s the price we have to pay for a rerun-free season. I’m down with that.

ANSWER: This is my last Lost Friday ever.

I doubt this will break any hearts, but I’m retiring from the Lost game for good starting today. As I’ve said about a billion times in the past, the CDP is not a Lost page, and I see no reason to complain unless I actually do something about it. It’s essentially my favorite show and I’ll probably never shut up about it, but I’m done doing the weekly recaps and whatnot. Too much work, especially when I could be writing about something I’m more fond of. Like myself.

If you’re one of the people who checks out my page just for Lost, I hope that you decide to stick around and give my other ramblings a chance. Thank you so much for all your e-mails and positive comments about Lost Friday; I didn’t expect that, and was pleasantly surprised every week. You rock much harder than I. Thanks for a great season.

And with that, I won’t talk about television until mid-September. Starting June 5, the CDP starts yet another chapter in its evolution. Expect constant, rerun-free material this summer, including the triumphant debut of GRILLED CHEESE WISCONSIN (for more info about Grilled Cheese Wisconsin, stay tuned).

I’m going on vacation next week, because I totally deserve it. Sound off in the comments section, and send all fan/hate mail to communistdance@yahoo.com. Thanks again for checking out Lost Friday all season, here are links to damn near every one of them. Peace.

SEASON TWO – FINALE EDITION 2
SEASON TWO – FINALE EDITION 1
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 22 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 21 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 20 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – CLIP SHOW EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 19 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 18 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 17 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – TEMPORARY EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 16 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 8
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 7
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 15 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 14 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 13 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 6
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 12 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 11 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 10 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 5
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 4
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 3
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 9 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 8 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 7 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 6 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 2
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 5 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 4 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 3 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 1 REVIEW
SEASON TWO PREVIEW

Katharine McPhee Watch – Volume 11.

Katharine McPhee Is Not A Loser. I am.

92,000 people auditioned for American Idol this year.

There is now 1 singer left, and it is not Katharine McPhee.

Just thought you might want to know. Time for a post-mortem:

This was the best Top Five AI has ever had. Any of these people would have made a great and deserving winner, and I’m pretty glad that the nice guy finished first this time around. It’s not like Katharine, Elliott and Chris won’t make a ton of cash regardless. Besides, Taylor needed to win a lot more than Katharine did.

Taylor Hicks is an underdog in every sense of the word, but he actually sailed through the contest easier than anyone has ever done; only him and Kelly Clarkson can say they were never in the bottom three. The south (Alabama especially) likes to vote in record numbers, and there was just no way the Hollywood girl was going to triumph over people who have gun racks in their trucks. Just look at our braying jackass of a president for further example.

Also, Katharine suffered from a flaw that I myself am prone to. When she got nervous or criticized in any way, she sort of lashed out, got defensive and said something…well, bitchy. Taylor was the gentleman, and took everything in stride. Of course, he didn’t botch nearly as many songs as Katharine did, so everything was sunshine and lollipops as far as he was concerned.

Speaking of Taylor, I have a secret for you. He says ‘Soul Patrol’ three times after every performance, sometimes even interrupting Ryan or the judges to do it (quite awkwardly at times). As someone who has OCD, I can spot that crap from a mile away. Taylor doesn’t say it because he wants to, he says it because he thinks his parents will die in a fire if he doesn’t.

Finally, here’s an AI epilogue to close the book on this season:

Melissa McGhee.
Melissa McGhee: Will achieve minor fame as the question to a Jeopardy answer under the category “Are They Dead Or Alive?” (Answer: Dead.)

Kevin Covais.
Kevin Covais: Will go on a shooting spree on a Carnival Cruise ship, murdering headline lounge act John Peter Lewis before turning the gun on himself. He will do all this while wearing a Chicken Little costume.

Lisa Tucker.
Lisa Tucker: Will become the owner and CEO of “The Whitney Houston Experience,” which will specialize in Whitney Houston cover songs and shows from the ‘B.C. Era’ (Before Crack).

Mandisa.
Mandisa: Will marry Ruben Studdard and start the sweatiest gospel church this side of the Mississippi. Will be the first church ever to serve ribs during mass.

Bucky Covington.
Bucky Covington: Will undergo surgery to have all the crap removed from his mouth. People will still have no idea what in the hell he’s saying.

Kellie Pickler
Kellie Pickler: Will graduate magna cum laude from Oxford with a degree in astronomical physics. Upon taking notice of her work, Steven Hawking’s head will explode.

Ace Young.
Ace Young: Will legally change his name to “Ass Young,” and work as an adult film star. Upon taking notice of his work, Steven Hawking’s head will explode.

Paris Bennett.
Paris Bennett: Will go back to school and wrap up her 5th grade studies. Because she’s very young, you see.

Chris Daughtry.
Chris Daughtry: Will start a band that looks the same, dresses the same and sounds the same as every single modern rock outfit on the God damn planet. Debut album sells more copies than the population of the world.

Elliott Yamin.
Elliott Yamin: Will become Hasidic, grow a beard and start a solo reggae project called “Yamin.”

Katharine McPhee
Katharine McPhee: Will stumble across the CDP one day and see all the positive comments and support I’ve given her over the last few months. Will become secretly infatuated with me, knowing that the relationship could never be. Will start cutting out photos of me and pasting them on her bedroom wall. Then the phone calls will start. Soon, my wife will get concerned and the police will get involved. I’ll have to shut down my blog and enter the Witness Protection Program for some reason. It will culminate with her breaking into my house one night, watching me and the Missus as we sleep. Fatal Attraction-style, me and the Missus will have to stab her repeatedly and drown her in the tub. It will be all over the news and I’ll get a huge book deal out of it. In the TV movie, the role of me will be played by Anthony Michael Hall.

Taylor Hicks.
Taylor Hicks: Dyes hair and goes Hollywood, calling the south ‘the wang of America.’ Tabloids catch him and Eva Longoria making out in the Viper Room. Corpses of Joe Cocker and Ray Charles rise from their graves, hunt Taylor down and eat his brains.

Wait… Joe cocker’s still alive? Well, he’ll still do it just for spite.

TOMORROW – THE FINAL LOST FRIDAY.

Lost Wednesday – Finale Edition.

Live Together, Die Alone.
Season Two – Episode 23/24: “Live Together, Die Alone.”

Look, the finale is tonight. What more do you want from me? Get the hell out of here.

Also, I think Taylor Hicks sealed the deal on AI last night. It’s a shame he’s such a neat guy; I really want to hate him right now. Regardless, he’s always been a solid contestant and pretty much deserved it from the start. Something tells me that the beautiful girl from Hollywood will end up just fine.

Finally, did anyone watch House last night? I just want to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming up all the stuff they got away with showing. Hooray for sweeps! Best episode ever!

TOMORROW: The Last Katharine McPhee Watch.

FRIDAY: The Last Lost Friday.

Lost Tuesday – Finale Edition.

Season Two DVD Preview.
Season Two – Episode 23/24: “Live Together, Die Alone.”

The very first Lost Tuesday is upon us. We have slightly less to discuss than we did yesterday.

So listen, I have a proverbial bone to pick with the writers and producers of Lost. It’s got nothing to do with the lack of answers, the constant deaths or the lingering theory that they have no idea what in the hell they are getting at.

It’s about plagarism, buddy, and I’m pressing charges. Here’s the skinny.

Season Two DVD Preview.

About two years ago to the month (pre-Lost), I sat down and wrote my very first screenplay. It was entitled “72 Hours,” and it was sort of a black-comedy mockumentary (is there any other kind?). After I wrote the movie, I got together with some of my film school friends and tried to shoot it, but it was far too awesome for us to handle on a zero dollar/talent budget. I put the screenplay in my massive filing cabinet of failed compositions, and went back to the drawing board.

Then the second season of Lost rolled around, and I started to take notice.

Season Two DVD Preview.

Allow me to explain to you the plotline of “72 Hours.” In fact, here’s the title card of the film, taken directly from the script:

IN 1968, THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN-OSHKOSH DISCONTINUED FUNDING TO THE PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT FOR THE PURPOSE OF SLEEP DEPRIVATION STUDIES. IN THE YEAR 2004, THROUGH STUDENT REQUEST AND PETITIONING, THE PROGRAM WAS REVIVED INTO THE CURRICULUM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 36 YEARS. TO MARK THIS EVENT, A GROUP OF UWO FILM STUDENTS WERE ALLOWED TO DOCUMENT THE INAUGURAL EXPERIMENT.

That should get you all caught up.

Anyways, the movie was about a sleep deprivation study gone wrong. Two inept and out of their league Psych students put an ad in the paper, looking for a subject in the study. The candidate, a dim but well-meaning young man is hired for the experiment. I don’t have to tell you that hilarity ensues.

As the deprivation experiment gets going, we begin to see how this will be monitored and carried out. For that, let’s go back to actual quoting from the screenplay, shall we?

Season Two DVD Preview.

(Sam and Charlotte are the Psych students heading the experiment, and Adam is the subject.)

INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Sam and Charlotte are walking briskly through long hallways, while Adam struggles to keep up with his duffel bag weighing him down.

SAM
Okay, here’s the plan, Stan.
(Sam taps Adam on the shoulder.)

SAM (CONT’D)
Stan?

ADAM
Oh, my name’s Adam.

(Sam puts his arm around Adam and stares off into the distance.)

SAM
No, you’re name is Stan now. Stan, here’s the plan. You’re going to be spending all your time from now on in our Sleep Deprivation Room.

CUT TO:
INT. SLEEP DEPRIVATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
We get our first glimpse of the sleep deprivation room. It’s a small, windowless room with a camera in the upper corner. It has a couch, a table and a drawer.

CHARLOTTE (V.O.)
It’s going to have a camera in it, so we can monitor you accordingly.

CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
SAM
Yeah, and don’t worry, there’s a can in there. No cameras allowed in the can.
(Sam repeatedly nudges Adam in his side.)

SAM (CONT’D)
You read me, Stanley?

ADAM
What?

CHARLOTTE
In the sleep deprivation room, there’s going to be a small box on the wall with a red button on it.

CUT TO:
INT. SLEEP DEPRIVATION ROOM – CONTINUOUS
In the room, we see a small box affixed to the wall of the room at about waist level. There’s a red button in the middle of the box.

CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
CHARLOTTE
You’ll be required to press this button at least once every 5 minutes to confirm to us that you’re awake. If you don’t press this button within a 5 minute period, you will be subject to a burst of loud noise to awake you and get your attention.

SAM
DON’T let that happen. It’ll scare the hell out of you.

ADAM
Okay, I won’t.

CHARLOTTE
You will be fed 4 times a day. Once every 6 hours.

SAM
The egg salad here is gunna blow your mind.

ADAM
I like egg salad.

CUT TO:
INT. CONFESSIONAL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
We see the confessional room, the smaller room attached to the deprivation room. It is a tiny room that contains nothing but a chair and a camera.

CHARLOTTE (V.O.)
Attached to the sleep deprivation room is what we like to call the “confessional” room. This is something we decided to add that the older experiments didn’t have.

CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
SAM
We got the idea from “The Real World”. You watch “The Real World”, Stan?

ADAM
I, uh, I used to. You know, my name is-

SAM
(Interrupting)
Well, it’s still a good show. Check it out again some day.

CHARLOTTE
There is a motion sensor camera in the confessional, so if there’s something you want to communicate to us, you can do it in there. Just walk in, sit down, and start talking.

SAM
We’re not gunna answer you, though.

CHARLOTTE
No, we will not. We suggest you use the confessional a few times a day so we can get a feeling for how you’re doing, and if your condition changes over time. Tonight, you will go to sleep at 10pm, and be awakened at 6am. At this point, the experiment will begin. You will spend a total of 72 hours in deprivation and then be released. At this point, we will give you an exit checkup, and you will be free to go. Until then, you will have no TV, no radio, no phone, no windows, no contact with the outside world, and no sleep. Do you understand everything I’ve just said?

(The 3 stop in front of a closed door. Sam and Charlotte wait for an answer.)

ADAM
Uh, yeah. When I’m done with everything, then I get my money, right?

CHARLOTTE
That’s correct.

SAM
Any other questions, Stan?

ADAM
None right now, I guess. My name’s Adam.

SAM
Fantastic!

Season Two DVD Preview.

Can’t you just smell the comedic possibilities?

Anyways, almost instantly, things start going wrong. Adam starts to crack pretty quickly, mostly due to the fact that he wasn’t psychologically sound to begin with. Sam’s infatuation with Charlotte leads to a lapse in judgment that causes important data to be lost, and they resort to leaving Adam in the chamber far longer than they were supposed to.

So Adam keeps pressing the button out of fear, knowing full well that he’s being screwed with as the hours tick on. The students begin to ratchet up the paranoia by cutting power temporarily, so Adam loses track of how long he’s been in lockdown. And the ending… well, you should have read it when I made it available for download. It’s your loss, really. Let’s just say that we find out what happens when he stops pushing the button.

Did I mention this is a comedy? It’s a hoot, too. One of the best things I’ve ever written… in 2004.

Season Two DVD Preview.

There were a few reasons why I wrote this screenplay. First, I was quite bored that summer and didn’t have a job. Secondly, I have had bouts of insomnia for years, and didn’t have to venture out of my house for inspiration or expert opinion. Finally, I really liked the idea of placing Reality TV Generation characters into a world of WWII-era psychological experiments; especially when it leads to character redemption, and the idea that authority isn’t always what’s in the public interest. Sound familiar?

Is it starting to make sense why I enjoy Lost so much? A lot of what we’ve seen this year has been a bigger, better and more thought-out version of my screenplay, broadcast for 15 million people a week. Adam, Sam and Charlotte might just as well be Locke, Marvin and Alvar.

Season Two DVD Preview.

To recap:

“72 Hours:”

1. Subject in psychological experiment required to push button every five minutes. Must stay awake for at least 72 hours, leading to serious (and wacky) mental and physical issues.

2. Constantly monitored by people who are not looking out for his well-being. Logging any and every change in behavior into notebooks for careful scrutiny.

3. Subject ends up having to stay in the experiment unwillingly for far longer than expected.

4. Subject has moment of redemption and clarity, stemming from flashbacks concerning his parents.

5. Subject eventually rebels and figures out what is really happening. Button is no longer pushed, as subject plans (and gets) revenge.

“Lost:”

1. Well… pretty much the same as above.

So, here’s the deal, Damon Lindleof. We can settle this out of court, and I’ll never mention it again. You know how much I like your show, especially the parts of it that are mine.

TOMORROW – LOST WEDNESDAY!
Everything you need to properly enjoy the Season Finale, including:

A Lost Drinking Game
A Season Two Recap
Last-Second Spoilers and Info

Sound off in the comments section, and speculate which one of my other screenplays will be turned into a TV plot device.

Lost Monday – Finale Edition.

Live Together, Die Alone.
Season Two – Episode 23/24: “Live Together, Die Alone.”

The very first Lost Monday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

As I mentioned last time, Lost Friday is expanding throughout the week here at the CDP, so check back every day for the same information you probably got off of Spoilerfix a week ago.

Today, we’re focusing on the preview for the Two Hour Season Finale. Here are 13 things you might want to know (Spoilers Ahoy!):

1. We are going to find out what caused the crash of Oceanic Flight 815. Happy? This may have everything to do with Dharma, or the theory that these people were pre-selected to wind up there. I just can’t wait to see that crash footage again; it’s been like, three weeks!

Live Together, Die Alone.

2. We will see Walt again. He will most certainly be taller than you.

Live Together, Die Alone.

3. We will find out what happens when the button is not pressed (if anything). I caught the Canadian trailer for the episode, and it looks like Locke is trying to destroy the computer, but is stopped by Eko at the last second. Eko then tears his head off and eats it. Speaking of Eko, he and Charlie will enter the hatch for dyamite.

Live Together, Die Alone.

4. This episode is Desmond-centric. He’s the one in the sailboat we saw at the end of ‘Three Minutes.’ We will find out that Desmond is battling an alcohol addiction, and the reason for his race around the world was to prove to people that he could do it. This coincides with Locke’s ‘Walkabout’ mindset, and the two of them will start to become allies. Locke will also explain the printout to Desmond, and he will pretty much lose his crap over being lied to. Expect to see Desmond as more of a main character next season, hopefully wearing that bad-ass jumpsuit.

Live Together, Die Alone.

5. Libby will play a big part in Desmond’s flashbacks, as well as some flashbacks next season. I guess she lets Desmond borrow her boat for the race (seriously). Also, the mysterious Mr. Widmore will be showing up, and we’ll catch a scene of Desmond in jail. Libby’s story will be settled as the flashbacks roll on next season; expect rampant craziness and google-eyes.

Live Together, Die Alone.

6. Someone will die in the finale. Early speculation states that it will be Michael, as he is only playing guest parts next season (presumably in flashbacks). My theory is that he will get killed by a castaway sick of hearing him scream ‘WAAAALLLLT!’ all the damn time.

Live Together, Die Alone.

7. The end of this season will be a cliffhanger that shows many castaway’s lives hanging in the balance. Naveen Andrews (Sayid) describes the finale as “Brutal.” He goes on to say, “People are scared, they want to know if they are going to survive.” Matthew Fox calls it “Mind blowing. It leaves us scattered and vulnerable in the face of a larger foe- and walks us right up to the start of the next season.” This leads me to believe that a lot of people are about to be taken prisoner and forced to sport fake beards and filth.

8. Producer Damon Lindleof says this about the next season: “Season one was about ‘here we are.’ Season two has been going deeper, ‘what is our reality?’ Season three is about ‘are we really here?'” He claims that they are ‘closing the door on the Hatch thing,’ and presumably moving on to different island mysteries. The difference between season one and two was huge, so I’d expect nothing less for season three. Expect new characters, new flashbacks and new corpses.

Live Together, Die Alone.

9. It has been theorized that the Widmore corporation was contracted to build all of the hatches and structures on the island. Widmore was also the construction company that Michael worked for on the mainland. Also, Sun’s father has also been speculated as having something to do with the Hanso Foundation. Damn the upper 1%; damn it to hell!

Live Together, Die Alone.

10. We will find out that what’s taking place on the island resonates to other parts of the planet. In essence, there is a butterfly effect that is directly affecting the rest of the civilized world. As long as it has nothing to do with the horrid Ashton Kutcher film of the same name, we’ll be alright.

Live Together, Die Alone.

11. Check out this still from the finale. Notice all the mail tubes in the background? Ruh-roh! Somebody’s lying to us! Also, expect to see Marvin Candle (Mark Wickman) and Kelvin in the finale. Rumor has it that we’ve already seen Kelvin before, specifically in Sayid’s flashbacks. Maybe this will give Sayid someone to torture; it’s been too long.

Live Together, Die Alone.

12. Season three will be shown in 2 ‘acts.’ They will air the first 7 episodes in a row, and then take three months off in favor of another mid-season show. Lost will then return with no reruns, airing the remaining 17 episodes every week until the end. Is this really better than reruns? This is what happens when you complain loud enough.

Live Together, Die Alone.

13. If the producers have their way, you will get all of the answers in the next three or four years. “This story is meant to end,” says Lindleof. “People want to see the final chapter.” The writers know exactly where they are going, and where the story needs to end. Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that.

As always, here are links to every Lost Friday this season. Sound off in the comments section; send fan/hate mail to communistdance@yahoo.com. Remember to stop back all week for more Lost goodness.

SEASON TWO – EPISODE 22 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 21 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 20 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – CLIP SHOW EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 19 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 18 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 17 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – TEMPORARY EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 16 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 8
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 7
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 15 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 14 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 13 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 6
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 12 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 11 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 10 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 5
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 4
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 3
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 9 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 8 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 7 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 6 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 2
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 5 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 4 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 3 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 1 REVIEW
SEASON TWO PREVIEW

Lost Friday – "Three Minutes."

Three Minutes & We're Out Of Here.
Season Two – Episode 22: “Three Minutes.”

Another Lost Friday is upon us. We have much to discuss.

Before we get down to the business of getting down, I want to make an announcement about what’s going on next week at the CDP. In honor of the Lost Season Finale, Lost Friday will expand to FOUR DAYS next week. On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, we will cover the previews, spoilers, and post-finale revelations; as well as previews for Season Three. There will be a lot of Lost things going on here, so check back every day next week for your fix. Bookmark us, set us as your homepage, mail us cookies; whatever you have to do to remember to show up. (Thursday will be reserved for the American Idol finale, because I’m a loser.)

“Three Minutes” was a great episode. We didn’t exactly find out any life-altering secrets, but the stage has now been set for the huge two-hour finale. We found out what happened to Michael during his 13 days away from camp, what Walt has been up to (besides being a foot taller), and what the castaways plan to do in order to take down the evil empire.

Bring on the skinny!

The Skinny (From Wikipedia):

Hatch Confessions On HBO.
(Dateline NBC catches yet another pedophile in their online dragnet.)

The episode begins with a flashback, thirteen days before the present. The beginning is the same as that of “The Hunting Party,” when Michael locked Jack and Locke in the armory and left the Swan. Before leaving, the dialogue between Walt and Michael on the computer is revealed. Walt says he is okay, and he is able to describe where he is. “when they take me out, there’s huge rocks with a big HOLE in the middle by the beach,” says Walt. “you’ll know when you see.”

Meanwhile, back at the present, Michael is in the jungle burning a mysterious pink slip. Jack comes out of the Swan, asking him what he is doing; Michael says he’s just getting some air. The survivors discuss what to do with the Others. Jack thinks that they should form an army of a dozen or so people to fight them, but he is opposed by Michael, who says that they should only send a party of five. Michael insists that since this is about rescuing Walt, the combat decisions should only be made by him. Jack stands down.

Being A Good Person All Day Really Fills You Up.
(Dharma Initiative – Station 1: “The Can.”)

In another flashback, we see Michael running through the jungle. He soon comes across one of the Others, who is urinating. Michael puts his gun on him and tells him to get his hands up, and the Other recognizes him as “Walt’s old man.” Michael is then ambushed by Mr. Friendly and more Others, resulting in a struggle. Michael breaks free and begins to run. Mr. Friendly stops an Other from shooting Michael and uses a bolo to capture him instead. A bag is stuffed over Michael’s head.

Ho, Ho, Die.
(Santa Claus hits the skids.)

While the bodies of Ana-Lucia and Libby are being prepared for burial, Michael and Mr. Eko clean up the blood in the Swan. Michael (who really murdered Libby and Ana-Lucia) asks Eko, since he’s a priest, if he believes in Hell. Eko tells him the story of a boy who came to him during confession, asking if he would go to Hell for killing his dog with shovel because he was attacking his sister. Eko had told the boy that God would understand and that He would forgive the boy if he was sorry. However, Eko thinks the boy was more worried about meeting the dog in Hell than God’s forgiveness. Michael asks Eko about Hell because he seems to feel remorse for killing Ana-Lucia and Libby. Michael goes outside and vomits, where he is met by Jack. Jack assures Michael that they will get Walt back.

It's Just What I Needed!
(“A briefcase full of injections from a heroin addict? You know just how to impress me!”)

Meanwhile, on the beach, Charlie gives Claire and Aaron a DHARMA medical kit, which has a vaccine for Aaron. Charlie tells Claire he injected himself with a dose to make sure it worked, and that there was enough vaccine in the kit to last Claire and Aaron a long time. Claire then sees Jack and Michael emerging from the jungle. So do Sun and Jin. However, the jovial mood abruptly changes when they notice the graves of the fallen.

In the next flashback, we see Michael unbagged at a campfire by Mr. Friendly. Accompanying Mr. Friendly is Alex Rousseau from “Maternity Leave” and the man Michael ran into earlier. The Others also bring another prisoner to the campsite, and they tell the gagged Michael not to make a sound. This scene overlaps with the climax from “The Hunting Party”, where we see Jack and Locke arguing about where Michael may have gone, the survivor’s first contact with Mr. Friendly, and where the other prisoner is revealed to be Kate. After Mr. Friendly gives Kate back to the castaways, Alex apologizes to Michael and knocks him out with her rifle.

At the beach during the present, Jack and Sawyer gather up weapons and supplies for their offensive. The leave the tent and meet Sayid, who wants to know what happened in the Hatch. Jack and Sawyer inform him about the murders, and Henry Gale’s escape. Sayid insists he should join them, but Jack tells him he won’t be coming, since Michael specifically wanted a five-member party. Sayid refuses to accept this, and is then given a handgun by Sawyer. “Welcome aboard,” Sawyer says.

PWN3D.
(“Finally. I haven’t been on Homestar Runner in ages.”)

In the Swan, Mr. Eko has taken the responsibility of entering the code. Charlie discovers him at the computer. Eko informs Charlie that he will be moving into the Swan to input the code, and that he will stop building the church. Charlie is upset by this news and storms off.

On the surface, Sawyer informs Michael that Sayid has been recruited. Michael becomes very angry upon hearing this news. Sawyer responds, “Oh I’m sorry! Just figured if we’re going to war, we would want the one guy whose actually been in a war, got a problem?” Michael agrees, but after Sawyer walks off, he gives off the evil look that he is conspiring to do something awful.

In the next flashback, Michael and the Others arrive at the camp. It seems Michael told the truth about what the camp looked like. Indeed, the Others live in makeshift tents and seem to have a lack of supplies. The Others also guard what seems to be yet another DHARMA station. The camp is located under an unusual rock formation, which is rectangular with a hole in the middle.

Michael is tied up and is forced to give a sample of blood in a syringe. He demands to know where Walt is. A woman then approaches who identifies herself as “Miss Klugh.” She starts asking questions about Walt’s childhood. Michael explains that he was halfway around the world when Walt was growing up, and that he doesn’t know the answers to Miss Klugh’s questions. Miss Klugh responds by saying, “for someone so desperate to get his son back, you don’t know much about him.”

I Must Be Some Sort Of Raving Idiot.
(“Sure Michael, I believe you. I also believe that dinosaurs didn’t exist and George Bush craps rainbows.”)

In the present, Michael approaches Sayid on the beach, telling Sayid he is not coming. He dodges any argument by stating that since it’s Walt being held hostage, Michael alone should decide who stays and who goes, and he has decided Sayid should stay. Sayid seems to give in to Michael’s demands and shakes his hand.

Meanwhile, Charlie struggles to build the church all by himself. Out of nowhere, Vincent the golden retreiver appears, and gives Charlie a heroin-filled Virgin Mary statue. Charlie follows Vincent to Sawyer’s stash of statues. Not succumbing to temptation, Charlie gathers up all the statues and throws them in the ocean, with Locke watching nearby.

Just One Big Mass Grave Will Do.
(They are building their horseshoe pits way too close.)

In the Swan, Jack finds Mr. Eko and demands to know what they did the previous night when they were supposed to be looking for Henry Gale. Eko tells Jack that they could not find Henry Gale; he doesn’t tell Jack about the discovery of the Pearl and the DHARMA surveillance system. Jack and Sawyer then load up more supplies, engaging in small talk. Sawyer confesses to Jack about his sexual encounter with Ana-Lucia before she was killed. Jack is dumbfounded, and asks, “Why are you telling me this, Sawyer?” Sawyer responds, “Because you are about the closest thing I have to a friend, Doc — because she’s gone.”

Back on the beach, Kate and Hurley dig the graves. Michael approaches, asking Hurley to join him in fighting the Others. When Hurley refuses, Michael attempts to goad him by saying the Others killed Libby. Kate and Hurley are aggrivated by this. Hurley restrains himself, apologizes for Walt’s ordeal, and states he will not be going.

Look Dad, I Have A Beard Now!
(“MEEEEEEEE!!!!!”)

We go to a flashback, taking place just three days prior. It’s nightfall, and Michael has been tied up in a tent for what he says is a week. Miss Klugh returns, bringing Michael food. Michael wants to know if he will be killed, and demands to see Walt. Miss Klugh informs him that Walt is outside, and soon they are reunited for only three minutes. Walt informs Michael that the Others made him take tests, and that the Others are “pretending”. Miss Klugh threatens Walt with another visit to “The Room” and Walt becomes quiet. Michael promises Walt they he will free his son, and it is at this point that the Others take Walt away, breaking Michael’s spirit. Miss Klugh gives Michael a list of the names of four survivors that Michael must bring back to the camp:

Jack Shepard
Kate Austen
Hugo Reyes
James Ford


Miss Klugh also tells Michael to free one of their own, captured by the survivors — Henry Gale. If he does, Miss Klugh says, he and Walt will be set free. If not, Michael will never see Walt again. Michael agrees, and also demands that they have custody of the Others’ boat, presumably to escape the island afterwards.

In present time on the beach, the survivors gather for the double-funeral of Ana-Lucia and Libby. As they walk, Sayid informs Jack of his belief that Michael has been “compromised.” He proposes to Jack that they lead Michael to believe that he still in control of the situation, so they can have an advantage when they attack the Others (which will take place the next morning).

The episode ends with the funeral, with Jack and Hurley giving the eulogies. Hurley changes his earlier position and tells Michael he will join them in their attack. Sun spots something in the ocean, and the survivors gather on the beach looking at it, excited: it’s a sailboat.

Fantastic.

Now, was it just me, or did the producers do something to Walt’s voice? I swear to you, there was some dubbing/pitchshifting going on there to make it sound higher. Is that really necessary? I mean, we haven’t seen him for about 7 months; I think fans of the show will let it slide if he looks a little bigger than before. This is one thing that I believe the producers can let go of. We won’t be mad, you have my permission.

Let’s take the A-train to Numberville! Woot, woot!

The Numbers:

Going To The Country.
(The surviving members of Canned Heat emerge from the woods to record an album.)

4 – Hands down, the coolest moment of the night was when Mr. Friendly nailed Michael in the back of the head with that bolo. That felt good. I assume that the guy’s pure evil and all, but I was rooting for him, if only for a second. Remember, when Michael’s knocked out, he can’t scream ‘WAAAALLLLT!’

A close runner up was Sun’s exclaiming of “Boat!” I laughed because it was sort of stupid, but endearing at the same time. Sun’s been nothing more than an extra for three weeks, and when they finally give her some lines, that’s what she has to work with. When I finally sit down to write my TV pilot that stars Sun, she’ll finally get the screen time she deserves.

For those out of the loop, I’m writing a crime drama/buddy comedy that stars Sun and a Proboscis monkey named Moon. They will work together in Hawaii, solving crimes and teasing us every week with their ‘will they or won’t they?’ flirting. Working title: ‘Sun and Moon.’

I'm Taking My Ball And Going Home.
(“That’s the guy, Sayid. That’s the guy who took my Nerf bat.”)

8 – This was a well-acted episode from most everyone on camera. They are faced with some very unsavory circumstances, and it’s showing in the personality of the characters. Michael’s reunion with Walt was genuinely emotional, and really shone light on why he did what he did. Personally, I don’t think Walt’s all that important, but hey, I’m not a dad.

Eko’s spat with Charlie was also an interesting parallel, almost reflecting Jack & Locke’s ‘science versus reason’ debate. Sawyer’s conversation with Jack about Ana Lucia was an unexpectedly tender monent, especially when they got all bare-chested and oily.

Cause I'm A Liar, That's Why!
(“I’m sorry! I’m just an abnormally terrible liar! Oh, I’m also an idiot.”)

15 – Michael’s an idiot, and here’s why.

First off, he didn’t have to kill anyone. He could have easily told the truth and worked with the four people to make some sort of plan of action. They were planning on letting Henry go in the hopes of a trade anyways, so the wheels were already in motion. But no. Instead of taking the easy road, Michael caps two ladies and drags the castaways into all sorts of danger. Smoooth.

Also, Michael didn’t know how to play his cards in the Other’s camp. When they started asking him questions, he should have been lying through his teeth, which he’s really good at:

Ms. Klugh: “Did you ever see Walt in places where he shouldn’t be?”

Michael: “Oh, hells yeah. He’s a shapeshifter, and I’m the only one that has a handle on him. All y’all better let me go, because he can put a curse on you that makes you crap your pants every time you blink. Seriously, it’s all kinds of messed up. Give me a boat.”

You Must Be This Tall To Ride.
(Nobody gets back into Chuck-E-Cheese without a hand stamp.)

16 – Walt was trying to tell Michael that this whole ‘living off the land’ business is a bunch of crap, which we all figured out during “Maternity Leave.” He mentions that they make him do tests and that they’re ‘pretending.’ I’m really hoping that someone rips Zeke’s beard off next week, in a Scooby-style surprise ending.

Jack: “Let’s see who you really are!”

(dramatic reveal)

Hurley: “Why, it’s Cranky Pat, owner of the Old Mill!”

Zeke/Cranky Pat: “And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling castaways!”

Vincent: “Rooby-roo!”

The way that the Others were acting when Michael was brought into their turf was clearly staged. Scowling whilst guarding the hatch door and whatnot; they’re all full of it, and we all know it. The clean syringe and the clean plastic bag in which to do bloodwork was the real clincher. Michael’s not too bright, sadly.

I wonder how the Others knew the names of the four people they wanted. Stranger still, why do they want them? We’re going to find out why the plane crashed next week, so I’m assuming we’ll figure out the reasons the Others know so much about the castaways. Perhaps the whole group was selected when the plane went down.

Also, the producers said that there was a still-burning cigarette in the Pearl hatch when Eko and Locke peeked in to investigate. Not only does this state that the Pearl is still in some basic operation, but there’s another way out of the station, and perhaps the Swan hatch was being monitored.

Keith Richards' Best Friend.
(Vincent is a purebred White Heroin Retriever.)

23 – I hate to break it to those who don’t know yet, but we’re going to see at least one more death this season. The early assumption is that it will be Michael; due to the fact that he’s only coming back as a guest next season. It’s also rumored that Desmond and Henry will become full-time cast members, so it’s probably not either of them.

However, Charlie is making a big resolution on the the island with the church and the smack and all, and we know that always means death. He also took the mystery vaccine he gave to Claire and Aaron. Frankly, I don’t know what it would be that kills him, but he’s #2 on my most-likely list.

Loser Michael’s going to be responsible for the lives of a lot of castaways hanging in the balance; expect a cliffhanger next week that shows almost nobody is safe from harm. He’s running them right into a huge trap, the turd.

42 – Who’s on that sailboat? Clearly, one would assume it’s Desmond. That appears to be the racing boat he crashed ashore three years ago, and maybe he tried to make a break for it after ‘Man of Science, Man of Faith.’ Much like ‘Adrift’ however, people keep getting sucked right back onto the island. It’s like the Rosie O’Donnell of the Pacific Ocean; no matter how hard we try to shake them off, they keep on coming back to annoy us.

The Non-Preview:

Live Together, Eat Pie Alone.
(Desmond busts out the Dharma bachelorette party tape.)

There will be an entire post devoted to previewing the Season Finale on Monday. Come back for photos, confirmed spoilers and naked pictures of Bernard.

As always, here are links to every Lost Friday this season. They’re dying to love you, if you would only let them in.

Send hate/fan mail to communistdance@yahoo.com, and start the conversation in the comments section. Remember, Lost Friday will be taking over the CDP ALL NEXT WEEK, so check back constantly, or a million kittens will be batter-dipped and boiled. Peace.

SEASON TWO – EPISODE 21 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 20 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – CLIP SHOW EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 19 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 18 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 17 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – TEMPORARY EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 16 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 8
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 7
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 15 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 14 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 13 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 6
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 12 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 11 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 10 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 5
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 4
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 3
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 9 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 8 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 7 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 6 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION: VOLUME 2
SEASON TWO – RERUN EDITION
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 5 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 4 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 3 REVIEW
SEASON TWO – EPISODE 1 REVIEW
SEASON TWO PREVIEW