January Photo Colonic.

I’m headed back home to Larsen this weekend, then we’re cruising up to Green Bay to spend some quality time with Ben, Sherry and about 4 other random women. I have a $100 bill in my wallet, and I intend to spend every penny of it by Monday (on bills).

I thought that tonight I would clean out the photo vault a little bit, and show you 5 pictures you’ve never seen before, or never really wanted to see. That first picture was from my cube at work. After being employed there for 8 months, I finally got my own little name stand. It lets everyone there know what my full title is, so they can properly address me when they want me to sweep out the supply room. I’m respected!

Hey, here’s Saturn!

He’s a beautiful boy. Upon closer examination, I think he was mixed with a feline that’s not domestic. Seriously, he’s huge and more exotic than you can really tell. Sadly, his owner never fixed him, so he warbles all day long, desperate for a mate. He makes the same noises that I made from age 12-18. PLEASE have your animals fixed, or they might end up like me.

Hey, here’s a snow-covered wiener!

I swear, those Oscar-Meyer people are following me all over this great city. It was no more than a few months ago that I found the damn thing in my parking lot (I took pictures, check the archives). I told you people, I’m not eating your products anymore! I’m different now! Judging from the snow on the roof, they must have been doing some sort of stakeout from this remote location in East Madison. How did they know I was in the area? I think Oscar-Meyer has bugged my home.

Hey, here’s a dog of some sort!

This is my sister’s dog, Bailey. He’s got some behavior problems, and he loves to piss on your carpet, but he’s just a puppy. Show me any creature under a year old that doesn’t like to whiz on shag, and I’ll give you a dollar. You can squeeze him into cute outfits like this, and it makes you want to kick him less. But I kid Alissa. It’s her birthday on Monday, and she’s turning 18. In honor of this, I was going to put some sort of humiliating photo of her up. Instead, I’m putting up a humiliating photo of my Mother.

This picture isn’t really humiliating, but she is holding a massive jar of peanut butter with a somber look on her face. She said she really wanted peanut butter for Christmas, because she eats toast 4 meals a day. I came through, scoring her the second biggest tub that Jif makes for commercial retail. I didn’t have a membership to Sam’s Club, so I couldn’t snag the 5-gallon bucket. She claims it was one of the best presents I’ve ever given her, but she fails to remember that I bought her a DVD player and a handful of movies a few years ago. If I knew then that $7 of peanut butter was better than $300 of movies, I’d be better off because of it.

Well, I feel cleansed. I’ll be back with some stories tomorrow, as the CDP pushes towards its first birthday. 1 Blog year roughly translates into 21 human years, so expect the CDP to be good and hammered come February 12. To tide you over, please check out Boycott Unity. I’m there every damn day making myself laugh, you’re more than welcome to join me.

2 thoughts on “January Photo Colonic.

  1. I never realized how many people cannot pronounce “Zy-nert” to save their lives. It’s insane. I suppose it’s hard because the I and E are un-naturally reversed, like “Einstein”.

    Funny enough, I actually did clean out the supply room today with somebody from Payroll. We have brand new laptops just lying around in there. I’m going to make off with a dozen of them next time I’m in there.


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