Tofurkey Depression.

This morning as I was driving to work, I couldn’t help notice that I was the only car in Madison that was heading towards the Capitol. In fact, I was one of about a dozen cars I saw on the road at all. I arrived at work 15 minutes early because of this, and I quickly realized that I was the only person in Madison that had to work today.

Well, not exactly. It sure felt that way, though. Everyone else is busy trampling over themselves at shopping malls nationwide, while I’ve been answering phones and keying in correspondence in an empty building. I thought I would hate this, but it’s actually quite peaceful. I’m taking a few days off in December to get my shopping done, so I’m in no rush there. Celia’s birthday bash is tomorrow (don’t forget to show up), and she’s currently at home enjoying her 4-day weekend. Thanksgiving went just fine back at home, and I stuffed myself like a disgusting glutton.

(It should also be noted that since I write this stuff while I’m at work, you could technically say that I get paid to do it. That’s always nice to know.)

So, without further rambling, here’s my list of 50 things I’m thankful for:

1. Wife, family, friends, cats, etc. (I had to get all this out of the way first.)

2. John Madden Football ’92-’98 for the Sega Genesis.

3. The Oil X-Change a block away from my house.

4. Stores that sell Small-size shirts for men.

5. Shoes that are made of faux leather.

6. “Seinfeld” finally on DVD.

7. “Home Movies” on DVD, although I’m not allowed to buy it.

8. Cheap, bag-less vacuum cleaners.

9. Republicans in office, keeping me safe from brown people.

10. Smirnoff Ice.

11. The ability to draw stick figures being decapitated.

12. Being left-handed.

13. The Sears/K-Mart merger.

14. John Kerry.

15. Every album by At The Drive-In.

16. The Green Bay Packers 5-game winning streak.

17. That kid that got punched in the face by Ron Artest.

18. Sneakers with lights in them.

19. Metal lunchboxes.

20. Taking my lunches at 1:30pm.

21. Ken Jennings. (He will lose on Tuesday.)

22. The dream I had last night.

23. Cool Water aftershave.

24. Not being a known sex offender.

25. Magnets in the shape of states.

26. Calvin & Hobbes.

27. Fancy Japanese toilets.

28. Fancy Japanese people.

29. “Courier New” font.

30. Monkeys who assist the blind and paralyzed.

31. Christopher Reeve finally being put out of his misery.

32. Alan Arkin.

33. When a Wal-Mart burns down.

34. “Classic Alternative”.

35. Red Swingline staplers.

36. Vegetarian nachos at Carlos O’Kellys.

37. Vegetarian burgers at Pizzeria Uno.

38. My cell phone breaking.

39. Anti-Skip CD protection.

40. The smell of White-Out.

41. Really good Key-Tar players.

42. FOX Sunday night programming.

43. Tumbling Pigeons.

44. Finally being good at Checkers.

45. Snack-Packs.

46. Kids who say “buh-sketti” because they’re stupid.

47. 24 hour-a-day gas stations.

48. Flat-screen televisions.

49. That Senator who killed himself on live TV.

50. Jesus, because he seems a lot nicer than God is.

What are you thankful for?

8 thoughts on “Tofurkey Depression.

  1. I’m thankful for the fact that I spent thanksgiving working at Wal-mart. I’m also thankful that they make up for the fact that they have you scheduled for 8 hours by giving you a free “thanksgiving meal”.


    p.s. I’m also thankful for the Day After Thanksgiving sale and working at 5:45 am!


  2. I never said you couldn’t buy the Home Movies DVD; I just don’t know why anyone would want to. That show is fricken boring.

    What dream are you talking about? The pitchfork through the neck one?


  3. I think Home Movies is funny in a subtle, ad-libbing, Christopher Guest-kind of way.

    I can’t remember what I deamed about, but I think it was a hypothetical (made-up) thing.


  4. No, because I think that Christopher Guest (to a lesser degree than Ron Reiner. That’s his name right?) is funny, but I don’t think that Home Movies is. It’s just shaky and dumb.


  5. FYI, they no longer filmed it in “Squiggle-Vision” after the first season. However, Season 1 is the only one that’s out right now.

    Dr. Katz was also filmed like that, and actually produced by the same company that does Home Movies. Sort of like The Simpsons and Futurama.


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