I Am The Secretary.

Sometimes I really love where I live.

I came home from work today to find the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile parked right outside of my house. I was on my way over to the Post Office for some stamps, when I noticed it taking up a considerable amount of space in the parking lot. For a second, I thought I had won some contest I didn’t remember signing up for, perhaps before I became a vegetarian. I was already thinking of a kind way to let them know I wouldn’t be accepting their fine meat-based products. I’d be more than happy to take a few t-shirts and a wiener whistle or two off of their hands, but they would have to take their Olive Loaf and Brown Sugar Ham back to California with them. Soon I realized it was unoccupied, so I took some pictures and looked for keys.

Having failed to get the Wienermobile started, (it had a bratwurst-shaped “club” on the wheel) I stood in line at the Sun Prairie Post Office for 20 minutes before giving up and walking the 50 yards back to my apartment. It was enough for me just to pay my bills, I didn’t deserve to waste my time in line because of them too. I spent the rest of my free time cleaning the house and preparing supper before Celia got home from work. I’m going to make a great housewife once we have a kid. I’m already starting a scrapbook.

I haven’t mentioned this much here, but in 2 days we’re moving out. Sure, we’re just moving a block down the street and we get a month to do it, but I’m really looking forward to the change. We found a brand-spanking new place that’s twice as big and not too much more expensive. There’s plenty of closet space, and we get our own washer and dryer, so I was instantly sold. Our new furniture is coming from Rubin’s this Saturday, and we’ll be gradually getting everything in it’s right place until the official “move-in” date of October 1. I promise that once we’re all settled in, we’ll have a big housewarming party, and you’ll be invited. Unless I don’t know you. Or unless I know you but don’t care for you. More on this once the moving begins.

Now that the Olympics are over, I have no idea what to watch on television from 7 to 11pm every night. Currently, I’ve been filling the void with the Republican National Convention, because I believe in fair play and 2 sides to every argument. But seriously, going from something as beautiful as Athens to the sight of thousands of Conservatives is like winning a thousand dollars, then slamming your nuts in a patio door. You’re too confused to be hurt.

By the way, I want to personally apologize for the scene that took place during the Marathon event on the last day of the Olympics. If you didn’t see it, I’ll fill you in on the details. With about 3 miles left to go, a deranged man charged onto the track, pushing the leader into the crowd before being detained and arrested. I originally thought it had nothing to do with me, or this Communist Dance Party site, until I saw the photographs.

Again, I’m sorry. I have no control over who my fans are.

29 thoughts on “I Am The Secretary.

  1. Yeah, it’s rough going from a sight like half-nude Alexandre Despatie to watching the crusty ole Democratic National Convention. Good news is that Mr. Giuliani made an ass of himself at the convention…he looked like a real fool.

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  2. Yeah, he really looked foolish last night. However, he didn’t look nearly as foolish as the President has been looking on the Today Show. A 3-part interview with Matt Lauer has been airing this week, and you wouldn’t believe the stuff he says when there’s not a teleprompter in front of him. I was horrified.

    If you’re going to run off with that Canadian Diver, I’m going to run off with Carly Patterson. Sure, she’s not 18, but at least she won a GOLD medal.

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