SKA-mmunist Dance Party!

Where are you going to be Wednesday night, hmm? Back-to-school shopping? Catching up on your housekeeping? Drinking an entire box of wine by yourself? Well, have fun.

But I’ll be rocking out old school with Reel Big Fish, Catch-22 and the RX Bandits in Oshkosh. The show starts at 5, and it’s 5 bucks. Come on! Dust off your comfortable skanking shoes and those sunglasses with the checkerboard pattern on them. Stop by and share a dance with me; I’ll buy you a drink.

Who knows? This might finally be the night I beat the crap out of a jock who likes to push women around. Or at least stab ’em in the kidney. Probably the latter.

Upside-Down Exclamation Point.

No time for you today, I’m trying to get a book deal! (See my other page for more information.)

 
However, to tide you over, here’s a picture of a guy getting gored by a bull. I’ve included an audio message containing what I thought he was saying at the time. I hope you enjoy it.
 
this is an audio post - click to play

Search Me!

I’ve just got something fun for you today. I’ve noticed that every now and then, people actually visit my page who do not know me, and haven’t been instructed by me to do so. These people stumble across my page just like they would stumble across any other page on the Interweb.

So I decided to do some digging, and figure out just what the hell it was they were searching for when they fell into my soft, tiny hands. The results may shock and confuse you.

Here’s a small sampling of things people have punched into search engines. Worse still, my page was listed there waiting for them. Worst of all, they ended up clicking on MY link.

RAVE PARTY MOVIES CLIPS

Posters for dinner and dance party

Communist hat

Communist food

Duff Man clips

Tom Landry hat

Coastal Drag

Sinneslochen

Polybius Legend

New Wave Jacket lyrics

Communist dead

I’ll mess with Texas

Some of them I can understand. The “I’ll mess with Texas” thing tends to bring a lot of people to my page. I give my posts weird names, and when you punch them into Google, I show right up. I find it very endearing that I’m the #1 search term for “I’ll mess with Texas”. If you punch in most of my post titles, chances are my page will always be first on the list. The Polybius and Sinneslochen things are part of an awesome arcade legend I suggest you look into further. There’s a lot of material on it, but I spelled “SinnesloSchen” incorrectly the first time. Therefore, any dumbass that spells it like me will end up here. They deserve it.

But communist dead? Communist food? Communist hat? Seriously? Some guy sitting in his parents basement at night wondering what members of the Communist Party eat, and what they use to keep their heads warm when they’re dead. (It’s vegetarian tacos and a Red Sox cap, respectively.)

And the raver thing is great too. Everyone knows how much I adore the rave culture. I bet this guy was happy as a Christmas clam when he saw how much of my page I had devoted to just what he was looking for. Glow sticks at bargain basement prices, pictures of ballrooms squished to the rafters with skeletal ninnies and pacifiers. If I wanted to have a dry-hump fest with a hundred filthy people I didn’t want to talk to, I would come back to Winneconne for the street dance more often.

(Apart from all the cool pages I’ve nestled myself next to on Google, I’ve become aware that I’m also next to a lot of hate pages and the like. Careful clicking, ya racist. I also had a ton of hilarious raver pictures to show you, but you should really be searching for that yourself.)

I hope you have one of those new computers with speakers, because I’m going to lose my audiopost virginity tomorrow. Come back to check out the deflowering.

Sick Day.

Enough politics. I know a lot of people have been up in arms recently about what’s best for our country, and I’m indeed guilty of that. But it’s time to step back and relax. Let me ease your pain by showing you a picture of me with Gabriel.

Doesn’t that make you feel better? I figured it would. I suggest you print it out and stick it to the inside of your locker or notebook, provided you’re in High or Middle school. If you don’t have a locker, I would also recommend making a poster out of it and scotch-taping it to the ceiling above your bed. The next time you feel as if the weight of the world is going to crush your shoulders, just look at me and let your mind drift off to better things.

Stop thinking baby, Ryan’s here for you now.

(Editors Note: Ryan called in sick to work today complaining of “food poisoning”, which may or may not be true. We are not responsible for anything he says for the rest of the week.- CDP)