I’m Jesus Christ, and I approved this message.
Work? Wish I were dead!
Wasting body, mind and time.
Leaving life behind.
“Oh, boo-hoo! Look at me, I don’t like my job! Look how bad I have it! I wish I didn’t have to go because all it does is waste my time and-”
GET OVER IT, JERK-OFF!
Hey, I’m your conscience, and I’ve got something to say here. EVERYBODY hates their job, Ryan. Maybe if would have had one in the last 3 years you’d still remember that. You get paid almost 11 bucks an hour to answer phones and open mail, and you’re whining? Well, do me and yourself a favor. Take all the stress caused by co-workers, fear of failure and rejection, 5 days of crappy microwavable lunches and SHOVE THEM STRAIGHT UP YOUR CHUTE, YA BIG PANSY! Get right over it, and shut your mouth before someone realizes you don’t belong there.
Enjoy your weekend while it’s here, Ryan. Live the same way everyone else does, 2 days a week. You only deserve 40-some hours to yourself a week anyways, considering how much time you’ve pissed away over the years. You deserve to be punished for your 3 years of daytime television and online gaming. 3 years of bad essays and The Price Is Right. Don’t talk anymore about how bad you have it, because your girlfriend just watched a homeless man throw a phone at someone because his welfare check didn’t show up. This happened while you were alphabetizing index cards in your cubicle, mumbling about when you could go on break.
I’d punch you in the head if I had arms, but I don’t. I’m only your conscience. I’m leaving now. Go to hell.
……..Wow. I would have never in a million years guessed that my conscience looked liked Dr. Teeth from the Muppets. And what an elegant speaker! You learn something new every day. Thanks, man.