Tinted Aviator Glasses.

I’m officially one step closer to working for the Madison Police Department. As I mentioned earlier, I was an applicant for the job of File Clerk. This would make me responsible for archiving, managing and sometimes retrieving any and all evidence confiscated by the MPD. This includes guns, drugs, bikes, cars and bodily fluids (swear to God, it said so in the description). I’d get to put my OCD to good use and keep perfect track of dangerous things, and sometimes I’d get to drive the police car to get stuff they needed. Holy shit, indeed. And the best part would be the sweet, sweet cash. And the feeling of making a difference in the state Capitol. And the cash.

As you can see, I’m mentally and visually prepared for the task:

Now, you and I both know that I’m dangerously underqualified to do something like this. The very notion of the City of Madison trusting me with all this stuff is not only laughable, but frightening. But, believe it or not, I’m still in the running. I’ll probably fall just short of the mark, as was the case with my Library position, but you just never know. My test results were great, and I typed twice as fast as the requirement. As Sherry once said, “Most normal people are stupid”. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Here’s a picture of Sherry with her older brother, Ben.

I mean, honestly, have you ever seen 2 people who looked so much alike that were actually sleeping with each other? It’s weird! I kid those 2. But when I’m working for the MPD, I’m going to turn em’ in. That kinda bidness don’t fly here in Wisconsin. Take your forbidden love to Texas.

I’ll keep you posted on the job. Until then, I’ve got to get back to work on a project I’m doing for my sister. She manages the Winneconne High School basketball team, and she wanted me to make a season highlight reel for them. This is all fine and good, but it takes forever, and it’s destroying the speed of Artie, my computer. (The Strongest Computer…In The World!)

Because I’m not charging her the scale tape-editing fee of $50 an hour, I’m going to post a picture of her in a neon wig.

Now we’re even.

Damn Smarch Weather.

March is absolutely no good, and here’s why. It seems endless. February disappears quickly. There’s only 28 days (in this case, 29), and there’s always so much to do. By the time you catch up to everything you needed to cross off your list, February is over. Then March lumbers in with its constant rain and overcast, and you have to settle in for 31 days of depression.

This mindset goes back to school for me. Since there were no days off in March, there was no relief from school. Each day seemed like more of a weight on your shoulders until you became convinced that March would simply swallow up the rest of the months, and just carry on for 294 more days. The rain never stops, the sun never shines, and you never know when it will snow again (which it almost certainly will). So March is no good.

I want to pass along my sympathies and sadness to Celia and her family. The family dog, Rip, passed away this past weekend. He was a massive chocolate lab who was simply the nicest and most well-behaved dog I’ve ever met. I had always been more of a cat person, as a bad experience with a dog as a child really stuck with me. That always made me nervous around giant puppies. About 4 years ago, I stepped into the Kasuboski household for the first time, and met this beast. He not only ended my fear of dogs, he greeted me kindly every time I came over from that point on (after the first time, in which he growled at me because he knew I was scared). He was a fantastic addition to the family, and will always be remembered by me and everyone in Winneconne who was lucky enough to pat his head. I’m very sorry, and he will be missed.

But, moving on to good news, Celia just got an amazing job at the Dane County Job Center, right here in beautiful Madison. Not only is she looking forward to it, she pretty much doubled her salary. Not too shabby. She regrets having to leave the friends she’s made at the Department Of Revenue, but you can’t buy a house and a Mini Cooper when you’re making 9 bucks an hour.

I didn’t watch the Oscars because I didn’t care. I like movies, but there was just nothing worth caring about this year. I heard good things about Lost In Translation, but after listening to Sophia Coppola talk a few times, I think she stumbled blindly on good fortune and even better actors. She got really lucky. Want to debate me? Go ‘head on….It’s your move.